7-28-2010

So, up at 4...still got the pain...so I get up, come out here and write for a coupla hours drinking coffee.....
And go back to bed.
At 7;30 am!
Had 2 vicodin, and atramodol, today.
The noon vic had some effect, finally.
2;30, now, and I'm out again to smoke the good shit.
Buncha doctors in California says it helps with artritis, fibro, and rls.
I know I got A & RLS, I'm pretty sure I have Fibromyalgia, as well.
Had Jury Duty, yeaterday...
Been called 4 times in my life...never been picked. And I'm one of 2 people I know who actually WANT to.
So, after they told me "no shorts! Go home and change!" (!?), I sat in an ancient, oaken pew.
Prosecutor seemed impressed, called me "Teacher's Pet"...it was all pretty goddamn boring.
But the sherriff, and Louis, we're milling around.
Doing the Cop Stare.
Louis at least talked to me...
I've had a problem with cops for a long time.(Thanks, Jerry!)...psychological, I know....due to persecution and assorted assholeishness by Tomball's Finest Fascists.
So, I tried to make light of it....act like i was confortable being bored outta my mind in a courtroom on a wooden bench w/ a coupla bored LEO's staring at me.
Didn't work, however.
I've been a nervous wreck, ever since.
Wiki says that Fibro can be triggered by stress....and hard benches...
I know that artur and RLS are.

My world sure is getting smaller!
And that sucks!
I had intended to , finally, get the permit for the ramp/porch/deck....but I hurt, and I have a real aversion to more Officialdom, today.
I did manage, after court yesterday, to mow trails through the Wild Lot, and help Tam and the boys pick pears....(20#, so far...still more on the tree...and peaches, too.)
I had also intended to can...or at least prepare to can....the pears, and a 1/2 bushel of apples.
The drugs normally prescribed for Rls and Fibro, are new...and laden with scary side effects.
Products of the general Land Rush-Style rush to market that began in the waning days of Clinton....deregulation.
(We've only seen the high prices, so far, as fallout from this...although, there have been some high-profile pharmacides...)
I am very leery of drugs whose admitted side effects are "Death" and "Suicide".
If I can ever get a steady supply of herb, I'll really try that.
I'm haphazard, now...from long habit of frugalness.From the literature, it seems one must be a regular pthead.
sigh.

There's engine noises...and I'm hurting.
Back to bed.

%%%%%
This friend of mine showed up,in the late afternoon.
Old Woman....in as bad a shape as I am, except she can't get enough Vic, it seems.
She runs out before she's due for a refill...
Pharmacist seems to think she's a junkie...
I disagree. She is compelled to work her ass off, even tho she can hardly stand....knees all fucked up, foot w/out meat, toes pointing every which way...FUBAR.
So I help her get over the hump. She always pays me back...and we're both nervous to be trading Sch3 drugs...stupid sytem.
Local Pharmacist is a Nazi...closeted queer, eternally scowling...
If I ever have difficulty w/ him, I guess I'll go elsewhere.
She says he's doing some kinda "Crackdown" on pain killers; refusing refills to decrepit old women, due to suspicion of "giving them away"....I wonder which Agency has been scrutinising him .(or if his self-loathing and meanness accounts for it.)
Gooberment, and the Medical priesthood, are so afraid that someone will catch a buzz, that they deny needed medication....put up all manner of hoops and barriers.
Chronic pain is epidemic...and the really effective drugs, with few side effects, are the ancient Opioids....
Of course, all of the literature says that folks who take such drugs for real pain are more than unlikely to become addicted...but science doesn't matter when it comes to "Moral" issues like drugs that can be addictive, or that might get ya high.
We must err on the side of debilitating Pain!
Part of this, I think, is another fine legacy of the puritans...Suffering is Good...and Deserved(since we're all nasty sinners!).
But what accounts for the Real reason is Big Pharma.
The Old Drugs are way past Patents....Pharma can't make enough Jack off them...so they feed the fires of ignorance and fear....(Junkies!They're coming for your Daughters, and your Property!)...and peddle relatively untested concoctions that still hold a Patent.
This is one of the reasons that Weed is still illegal, despite a preponderance of evidence against it remaining so.
Can't have folks 1 getting high, and 2. being treated effectively with an unpatentable drug, that anyone can grow.
It's fine to run that Noble Weed through a Factory, make it into a Patented Pill, that can be sold for $100 each....
And it's fine and dandy to Demonise the Plant...and anyone who uses it, with half baked Mythology.
Reefer Madness!Pot is Just Like PCP! Makes ya Rape Pillage and Murder!
And we allow it!
Fucking sheep!
I'm on what appears to be my 3rd day of pain.
There is no likly candidate on the weather side...no storms or fronts or Big Hairy Low Preesure Systems....
I haven't Toiled and Laboured enough to account for the way I feel...
Only thing I can think of is the half day in the courthouse...
The stress, the stairs, the uncomfortableness...my aversion to Cops.
sigh.
I get so frakking Bored!
The damn Vicodin is losing it's effectiveness,too...I have been taking it for, I think, 4 years....slowly, slowly increasing the dosage...so as to prolong it's effectiveness.
I've known, and Feared, that the day would come when it wouldn't work, any more.
I had hoped to have been repaired, by now...but that's over.
No Disability, no Surgery, for Me....I must Suffer.
Literature says that if I can quit taking it for 2 weeks, it'll regain a lot of effectiveness...
It'll hafta be 2 weeks w/out work, stress or weather.
Unlikely!
I am NOT looking forward to it, but I deem it necessary...