Blog Archive

Monday, August 17, 2009

True colors and the Origins of Clinical Depression

So it finally comes out...
The "Majority" party is no better than the current minority.
Corporations are more important than people.
"Change" is what the Dems rode in on.
But, it seems, only the rhetoric has changed.
Whores and Weasels.
Prostitutes in 3-piece suits.
What is the price of getting your way in Washington?
Where's my lobbyist?

Once again, Fear trumps all.And the Republicans are masters at Fear-peddling....Get all the Ignorant fired up...
Get them out in the streets, at the Town-Halls, with egregious falsehood and scare-mongering.
Stalinist Healthcare!!!
They gonna "pull the Plug" on Grandma!!!

Obama is just like Hitler!!
(Along with the unspoken subtext that they are really just pissed that a Scary Black Man is in their White House)
What a fucking world we've made!
And in the face of this, the so-called Majority Party lies down, usual.

And one can't, it seems, counter any of this with Facts and Reason.
It just doesn't penetrate.
Only shouting and stupidity will serve.

That's what the nearest hospital tells me it'll cost to fix I can work, again.
Cuba says $18,000....with recovery at a beach resort, with a private nurse/physical therapist.

Which Bailed Out Bank should one rob?
Which CEO's yacht to steal?
If I were to wash up into the Bay of Pigs, would they take me?

I've got an appointment for an MRI...estimated cost:$1000-2000 in money I don't have...
Last ditch effort to prove to some faceless panel of "experts" that, despite my age and appearance, I am "disabled".
That I really do need a hip/ankle/knee.
That, after almost four years, they should grant my request.
So I can get on with my life...perhaps sans debilitating pain.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
We're halfway moved in to Grandma's house...
Which is really Drunk Uncle's House...
He's a migrant worler, as near as I can tell...sheep-shearing and concrete work...depending on the season.
In essence, I'm trading one beligerant drunk for another...except, perhaps, this one can be bought...given enough weed/beer/whiskey.
Moved the ancient RV next door for him to crash in whenever he breezes through town....he says this is cool ,one minute....
The next, he's on about crashing in his my son's room...whenever he comes to town.
A lifetime of drugs and alcohol have withered his mind...he can't remember one minute to the next....perpetual NOW.
Makes it somewhat difficult to make plans...have some modicum of stability...

So I've spent the last month,or so, getting that house more liveable...
Fencing the yard, cleaning, patching, putting in floors, etc.
Been drinking more, too...doc cut me off from the Vicodin...finally got that sqared away...
Held up by clenched teeth,
Endeavor to perservere!
Get it done, so I can get my boys someplace safe.

Except that I don't know if it is safe.
I don't know when Drunk Uncle is leaving (it's been "9 days" for more than a month), or when he'll be back.
Don't know if the RV/crash-pad will suffice.
Or if he'll push his way in...or what I can do about it.


The Belligerant Eunich, Moontime Don, is to blame for this current uncertainty.
His untreated PTSD/Bipolarism...
I hope he's happy.
( I know he's not)
He finally broke down and took the mountain of trash that had accumulated since I quit to the dump...
Don't know how he offloaded it..
I wonder who used to take care of that particular chore?
I wonder if he wondered the same as he was dealing with his stinking garbage.
Mom says he's admitted to going too far...except where it come to me
I am, still, the source of Evil....the irredemeable cause of all his problems...the quintessential Scapegoat, placed on the altar of war in the stead of the King.


And the other perennial roadblock...
Wife's degree.
School told her, 2 years ago, that she could take a course ( The LAST FUCKING COURSE!) online (they only offered it sporadically), then, when it was complete, denied it...
It didn't count.
And there was no recourse, of course.
So she took it again...waiting to see what they'll do...
And the one, primadonna professor (who apparently sleeps w/ the Dean) is in Spain...and she is the one who schedules and gives the Exit word on when that may happen...
So, for at least the last year, we've been waiting for this last course, and this last test, for Wife to (finally) get her degree....
Hopefully by December....
Then she can apply for a "real" job somewhere....and we can start moving on getting our own place...
This, along with my health issues, is what we've been working towards for 4+ years.

I worry that the country won't hold together long enough...
That the folks behind the "Conservative" movement will finally succeed in getting their population reducing Civil War II.
That the combined effects of Peak Resource, Climate Chaos and Financial Ruin will doom us all to a new Dark Age.

I fear that the Enlightenment has run it's course...
And that I've run out of time to get where I need to be to weather the aftermath.
Until Father's Day, I had thought that we would stay here....I was under the impression that here was the Homestead, the bulwark against the vagaries of the world outside...
The Land was the one, tangible thing I could count on...
But no longer.
Now, we are adrift.
No tangible things, at all...
Noone, save my Wife, to count on...
To expect to keep their word.