…..Bored
out of my damned mind.
That's the biggest thing.
I'm unable to
do the simplest thing, to my satisfaction.
Can't stand and bend
enough for dishes(I tried).
I can do laundry...but one load did me
in...especially attempting to get the clothes OUT of the dryer(90%
Rule)...I had to retreat, and retrieve my Grabber.
I find that I'm
even less able to clean up after the boys, than before...which isn't
saying much. The Floor has been out of reach, for a long time(unless
I'd like to stay there).
I moved sprinklers, and birds, this
am...didn't finish re-deploying the water...maybe later.
On the
Plus Side(yes, there is positive news): With help, for moral support,
I can walk about 2 blocks. Further than I've been able, in a couple
of years.
Of course, after that, and the Laying Down Exercises,
I'm Toast.
Still.
With all these new Books, I've been
attempting to clean up and reorganise the Library.
Imagine tying
your feet together, loosely...and tying your left hand behind your
back...and wearing sunglasses in a darkened room(for the imbalance)
full of books and boxes, and furniture. For added accuracy, drive an
ice pick under the right patella, and a couple more into the left
ankle...lol.
I'm gonna be pissed if this doesn't
improve...
...which, of course, leads me into my 2 biggest
fears:
1. that Rick Fucking Perry will, somehow, Kill Medicaid, or
that I will, somehow, become uneligable.
2. that the long sought
after surgeries(One Down!) will not be an improvement. I know it's
early days, but permit me my Frustrations....4 weeks after the Hip
Surgery, I find myself much improved from last week...but much worse
than before the surgery.
This is to be expected, as far as I can
tell...but it still causes much Frustration, Anger and Fear.
I
cannot sleep. The usual distractions of my own Mind, as well as
various snores and the kids phone ringing and the idiot with the
Boom...Booom..Booom, at 11:45 every night...
But there's also the
Uncomfortable-ness...
I cannot get comfortable...in any of the
chairs I'm allowed to sit in, including this one...in the bed...in
the car...
I've got another week of Norco(which I prefer, since it
has only 325mg of Acetaminophen)...then it's back to
Lortab/Vicodin...which I'll need at 3/day...while I only have enough
for 20 days. Of course, that was intended to last a whole month,
before the surgery.(to go the whole month on what they've given me before,it must be 2/day(=inadequate))
Bone Doctor has handed off Pain Management to
my Regular Doc....so I'll need to go see him...and beg for adequate
Pain Relief.
The Entire Medical/Governmental Establishment is set
against me, in this.
Wouldn't want somebody getting high(and
killing their liver, which is the Only reason to habitually combine
Hydrocodone, and Acetaminophen. What does that say about our
Country?)*
I've got a bottle of Oxycodone...but I don't want
to take any. It's not Oxycontin, of Hillbilly Heroin Fame, it's
Percocet.
It is the Last Line of Defense, as it were....If I get
Tolerant of that, there's nothing else, aside from growing and
smoking Opium.lol.
I don't want to go there...so Oxycodone stays
in the Armory, for now.
I've been striving for years to keep the
titration rate of Lortab at bay...so as not to become tolerant, for
this very reason.(quit cold turkey for 5-7 days, twice a year...and drink a lot of beer)
As I've said, most of my “issues” are not
well documented, if they're documented, at all.
This is a product
of having no insurance, or money, for X-Rays.
So, the Doctors must
take my word for it...since the System seems to be Single-Issue.( I
want a Full Body Scan, dammit!)
My
understanding of where I'm at is that I can look forward to Pain, for
the foreseeable future. Maybe, for the rest of my life,
Hip's
fine(muscles there still suck, but are improving).
Knee
Replacement is next...hopefully in September.(unknown recovery time.prolly similar to that of Hip)
Then it's
Ankle...likely Fusion or even Amputation...it's too damaged for a
Replacement. Fusion = 3 months in a cast, and a long recovery.
(I'm
currently leaning towards hacking it off)
That puts us at more
than a year from now(Sept,2014)....and I'll then hafta wait, to see
how things are.
Assess the remaining Pain, and Injury.
Back
could “fix itself”, I'm told...but don't really believe it.
Same
with Wrists, Thumbs, Elbows, Shoulders.
Have to wait and see.
I'd
be happy with Pain Free Legs.
Most people seem to think I'm being overly pessimistic, after this First
Surgery.
I think that they are being overly Optimistic...to the
point of Magical Thinking.
It's funny(at least when I'm wearing my
Lay Psychologist Hat), but it appears that folks just don't want to
acknowledge the Reality of Pain...and the Reality of
Disability....and especially the Reality of someone Falling Through
the Cracks as I have.
I have felt Validated, since the Hip
Surgery...it's finally regarded as a Real Thing, by everyone.
(with
no apology, of course, for the disbelief, and accusations, that came
before)
But the Rest of my Issues are still relegated to 1. my
Mind,or 2.my desire to Not Work, and to be a Welfare Queen.
Folks
just can't help themselves, I guess.
So there it is...Progress
and Pain, and a mixture of Optimism and Pessimism, hopefully Boiling
Down to Realism...
I want to Clean the House.
I want to go
Fishing.
I want to walk in the woods.
I want to
Contribute!
Instead, I must wait...
*
From the wiki for Hydrocodone:”As of July 2010, the
FDA was considering banning some hydrocodone and oxycodone
fixed-combination proprietary prescription drugs—based on the
paracetamol content and the widespread occurrence of liver problems.
“
Assholes.
