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Saturday, April 30, 2011


alone and friendless is how I feel.
wife's gone a lot, coaching, etc...I'm stuck at home, no money, no place to go, noone to

talk to.alone with my mind, and the pain.
Boys come home, and by that time of day, I'm exhausted...and generally in incredible

so they are bored...days like today, when i would normally drink beer, i must refrain,

because my jitney service is needed at regular intervals throughout the day, from 7am

to 7pm, or thereabouts.i dont have enough pain meds to get through a month...but i am

afraid to mention it, for fear of that being labeled' drug seeking behaviour'.
tomorrow, saturday, she'll be gone all day, as well...and i'll hafta contrive to entertain

the kids...again, with no money, and very little energy....and too much pain, i'm sure.
no one to talk to.
i saw wife, alone (or for the most part) for all of 5 minutes,yesterday.
then it's bedtime, alone, for me...and solitude.
I awake at solitude.
househusband's lament...except there's not an accepted analog.
latoc is gone...and in place of it's raucous erudition is facebook...a latoc for dummies, for

the incurious narcissists, so prevalent, today.(there are gems, and they know who they

and the everpresent trolls seem to think they are needed whenever someone who calls

himself liberal deigns to raise his head....pummeling them with reiteration.
i am bored.
my own mind as my only company.
i listen to internet radio...all things liberal...i write the occasional letter...and generate

some meager response from a handful of other reclusive homebodies.
the Machine has won, however....
.the great multitude of my countrymen, by all indications, are uncomprehending

boobs...a gaggle of angry geese...superstitious goats, who's understanding of the world

can be summed up in soundbites and slogans...
cotton minded herds of blue-dog-d or r ...mostly r, around here....especially the odious

tea people kind of r ...waving flags triumphantly, dutifully repeating the

soundbites...devoid of understanding, or nuance.

and, for 10 years, the vision of the approaching Darkness becomes ever clearer..
no one wants to hear about this, of course...
although,the same kind of vision has seeped into the local yokels from the right, is

the endtimes...or a product of liberalism/socialism/etc
a secular end of the world, due to Human mismanagement of the planet, including the

human never considered.
such hyperpartisan, superstitious nonsense would be laughable if, like all good lies, it

didn't have at it's core, a kernel of very ugly truth.

it can only get worse.
those of my neighbors who are the natural democratic/liberal; in the Barrio,

have been threatened into a sheriff , for one, but it didn't begin

with him.
intimidation doesn't have to be as overt as during his 25 year reign ...he did

his job so well...hispanics silence themselves.dead body in the river, etc.all manner of whispered tales.
worse, it seems to have become habit....few talk politics...what there is is selfserving

lulac/la raza agitation for personal gain....fomenting division/rivalry.
everyone else is, seemingly, apolitical.

there is no forum for non-right wing nutjobs.
democrats hide, keep their heads down...hold their tongue...lest there be any

repercussions. jobs are few, after all.and the threat of violence is always there, if never

overt...except when i, myself, was almost strangled for speaking my mind ...when

asked, no less...(george bush2 is a war criminal, and needs to be delivered in chains,

post haste, to the hague)
the insane right dominates...their teachers blithely spout partisan and right wing

religious rhetoric to school children...the president of these united states is censored,

while the right wing representative for this area is given a captive audience of news is on tv in classrooms...highschool civics students are taught to

boo whenever bill clinton is mentioned...on and on....
when called on this, the school administration fails to see the problem...i guess i didn't

spell it out clearly enough...sigh.
what remains of the left, around here, is too polite to raise a stink when there is some

outrage...don't wanna upset folks...the right, the vast majority, doesn't notice the outrage

from the left...their outrages and nonsense and racism and exclusion of all but

themselves,'s just obvious that that's the way it is., and should be....why would

anyone be upset? spraypainting nigger on a school bus...vanishes ftrom public not even mentioned in our 'news' paper. upon the election of a mulatto to the

white house, kids in highschool freely say that damn one calls them on

it...even the few dems who work within earshot...they at least see the wrongness, and

are silent. the majority, apparently, sees things like this as just reality...secret muslim,

wall between church and state as myth,right wing ascendant,joe mccarthy cleansed

and beatified...why question?!
when asked, during the run up to the stolen '04 election, to man the dem booth for

roundup...i asked'should i bring a pillow?(ie the dems have a history of just laying

down, going to sleep.)later, at the parade, the same former sherriff, mentioned

above...and his hangers on...jeered and threatened the lone democratic float...
everyone looked the other way....wouldn't want to upset the applecart....

I long for the Salon!
I wanna drink absinthe with fellow travelers!
smoke pot with folks who are after something other than another kind of fucked up!
and know that pot doesn't equal pcp/heroin/etc...sigh.
rage against the stupidity and bullshit that surrounds us all!
traditionally, that is where true revolutions's why i started my little cafe....not

knowing of the giant lurch to the right that would follow 911...(i was told that my chef hat

looked an awful lot like a turban, and that perhaps i should reconsider wearing it in the

window, watching traffic...for my own safety)
now ,as always,we have zavalla's as the defacto townhall....poisonous food...and

everyone stops, turns around and stares, slackjawed...when an obvious outlander

comes in the door.
the epitome of small town smallmindedness...adults of the corn.
i resolved to never darken that door...might near 14 years ago....after the paper guy

bought a lunch that began with fermented salsa and stale chips.(i couldn't trust even the unsanitary was that place...coons in the sweetrolls!!!, because the back door

wouldn't close properly, and noone cared, least of all the boss, who exited by the

backdoor when the inspector came in the front!))( a quirk in the relevant law,

making an inspection impossible!..."he's on vacation")
I can hardly listen to music from the 60's and 70's because of the grief over what might

have been...the dirty fucking hippies were right, after all...mcgovern, and all he

represented, boiled into a soundbite featuring drugs and charlie if that

sums up a generation ,.....who have since drunk the koolaid.
the secret sequestered magicians of the right have certainly played a masterful game,

since before reagan.
mindfuck, writ large.
the left is as fault, too...probably more so....for giving up, assimilating....

for letting the worst among us ascend.

where are the babyboomers?
it seems that all that guff about establishment was just bullshit...

fucking hypocrites.