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Thursday, October 31, 2013

Dreaming Monsalvaat.

                        "Du siehst, mein Sohn,/ zum Raum wird hier die Zeit."

I moved out here, to this Far Place, to do a job.
Now that the cows are long gone,and the barbadoes, and almost the goats...
Now that the Prowler is in the Nut House...
Now that the Belligerent Eunich is mellowed, having lost his Svengali...
Now that we've been gone for 5 years....

Now, I begin to think about our return.

I intend to do it my way, this time.
The End Goal has always been settled....but how to get there was always in dispute.
Irrigation will have to be eventual Windmill and new Well, at the back of the back well as a gravity driven line from the extant front windmill.
The latter will feed the irrigation for the front pasture.
Next is deer fencing, reinforced against wild pigs.
Then, it's trellising for Grapes.
Only then, can we plant.
Grapes for Wine, and Olive Trees for Oil, and Pomegranates because they're cool, and I'm certain that they'll grow here.
Pecans in the low part of the front pasture, where it floods when it rains.
A few Oaks, here and there....and some Pinion Pines on the driest, most poor soil at the very back.
A windbreak will have to be planted along the north fence of the back pasture, and I'll need to consider a truck path, back there , as well.
Great flocks of geese and ducks and chickens...with as many chicken houses as the birds seem to need...for mowing and bug control.
I would like a large rock cistern, at the very back, doubling as a swimming pool...with cattails and water lilies, and a solar pump for the waterfall/sand filter.(I have experimented extensively with this).
Koi, Crawdads and a few Catfish.
Also at the very back, that beat up old trailer house.
I spent 16 years paying for the damned thing, so it will be pressed into service...ideally as a recording studio/Conservatory.
Next to it...again, ideally...the Rain Barn, with a slab,...under which would be the underground portion of the Library.
My Office will be 3 school buses...because I have always wanted one....arranged in a horseshoe, under the Rain Barn, open to the south.
This compound, at the very back of the place, under the shadow of Elijah's “Mountain”, I will call the Monastery.

Our House will be a little farther north from where the old trailer house is now. Cinderblock, reinforced, massive walls for heat sink, and storm protection...and because stone workers are expensive.
I desire a fireplace, on the north end...and a wood fired cookstove on the south. A Gas stove, as big Vulcan.
Ideally, a methane digester will provide the gas for cooking.
Large porch, all the way around the house, and a large, central room...much like Theoden's Meduseld, in LOTR.
Open....Kitchen and living room, all in one.....with Beams for Rafters.
Bedrooms on the east and west sides.

Two herb, by the house...the other, by the Monastery.

I'd prefer solar, and especially wind, eventually...for the whole place...Mom's house, included.

And Bees.
I want Bees.

I think about a shop...wood side, and metal side...with the forge.

….and about an Oil Press....and a Wine Press.
(Juice is easier to sell off to wineries)...eventually, I'd like to make our own.
Also eventually...the possibility of making brandy(regs are a PITA)....and Vinegar.

When the Law catches up with sense, we could buy the place next door for Hemp.
My Giant Greenhouse can be moved to behind Mom's...for eventual rooting of cuttings for grapes, and olives and whatever else....grafting onto rootstock, and the like.
I shall be ordained a Druid, and declare the whole place the Monastery's Environs,lol.
I envision a large Wind Harp, maybe a big ass kettle drum for Samhain.(Ha!)
And a Statue, or three...

I have a rather detailed, step by step plan for all of this....developed over 18 years.
I had the broad outline, a year after I moved here.
The only question, really is, and body.
I'd need a golf cart to get around, of course.


Who am I foolin'?

All of this should be in place and thriving, already.
It's why I came here.
As it stands, it's far too body is a wreck, as is my mind.

All of this could have been averted, if not for the dreaming of my mother, coupled with her hard-headed insistence on doing things her way....and if not for the Crazy that would explode out of stepdad, every six weeks...wherein I was the root of all evil.

Now, I am a ruined husk of a prospects...nothing to do with my time, besides hurt, and try to do the dishes.
And now, my mom decides that I was right, all along...and we should do it my way...after almost 19 years of distraction.

At best, I'll manage to procure a couple of school buses, and move the trailer to the back....
I really need a Library.
Perhaps, I'll manage to get irrigation installed and plant vines and trees.
But it will be for my sons to make a real go of it.
My time is all but spent.
My body and my mind are broken.
...and on days like today, when I'm feeling the approaching weather, and hiding from my last drunken foolishness,....I just want a warm place to sit and read....a comfortable chair to write from....

There's a Weighty Tome in me.
Distilled from my life experience, and the myriad things I Think about.
From the Ten Thousand Things that I've read. Perhaps two Weighty, Autobiographical...because I've crammed a lot of Life into 44 years...and the other, the Intersection of Philosophy, Politics, and Myth...where I've toiled for all these years.
An Appendix, or something, of this last, would be the Gargantuan Field Study of the American Right, that I need to set down, in order to get away from.

But I require a Place...a Refuge...
I've not felt at Home....anywhere...since I was 14.
From Karen Switch, to the broader Magtom area, to the Greater Houston Area, to Huntsville, Austin, the Old South, to this Far Place.
Not even Dry Prong....but this last is all I've got to work with.
When I came here, finding at long last a Hidden Kingdom was one of the reasons....a place to Retreat from the world.
If I am to be Alone, but for my Accidental Family...then let me be Alone.
Let me be Amfortas, in his Monastery...removed from the hustle and bustle and the Hoi Poloi.
My Gondolin and Nargothrond...My Imladris and Laurelindorinan.

Vater, was fehlt dir?

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