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Wednesday, May 19, 2010


I am the Consummate Rebel….the Quintessential Iconoclast…an Unrepentant, Independent Other.
It has always been thus, since very early on, when I kept finding Differences in Myself that were unwanted/Feared by the Herd. I grasped onto that Anomalousness…Owned It! It was Mine!
Evidence was manifest and unavoidable that Society, and all its numerous Constructs, were anathema to a Thinking Person…and must be resisted, at all costs, if Integrity were to be preserved.
"Conform!" said the Machine…and I refused.

"Be Silent!", it said…and I said my peace.

"Sit Down!"….I stood.

This is such a Part of Me,now, that I cannot help but Live it.
It is Integral to Who I am…from the Beard, the Long Hair, to the Refusal to wear a tie (ridiculous, leash-like fashion requirement!)…to my Immunity to Propaganda and Advertising, my Profound Distrust and Dislike of Authority…my Total Disregard for the Opinion of those whose opinions I hold as less than worthy of consideration…
All this is no secret to those whom I do hold dear, few as they may be…
And yet, those closest to me are Shocked and Amazed! When I bristle at any suggestion that I Conform, Shut Up, Sit Down, etc…"just for today"….as if Integrity can be laid aside, temporarily, when the perceived "Need" presents itself.

Personal Integrity is so rare, today that it is confused with public approval, it seems…
How can one have Integrity if no one knows about it, or (worse) no one acknowledges it?
To the Contrary, I say…Integrity is most Important when No One recognizes it. This is more of an indictment of the Polity, than an affirmation of Personal Integrity.
Plato's Cave, and all….
To hear, even implied, "act normal", "don't say that", "you're wearing that?", "are you going to cut your hair for(insert formal public function)?"….from those whom I hold Dear, is maddening.

Have they not been paying attention?
Do they really think I'm gonna wear Flip-Flops to Church? Or worse, take a big-ol- dump in the aisle?
That is what is implied…that being Me, Unapologetically, is an affront to "Civilisation"…and is, inherently, Embarrassing.
It's even worse when it comes to my Crippleness…"can you leave your cane for (insert formal public performance)?"
"Can you not make a big deal out of not being able to go up and down stairs when the Immigration Czars don't have enough Handicap-accessible seats?"
Implied, just like the perception I get from the Public at Large, is that I'm somehow "Faking it"…
After all, I don't look sufficiently damaged…

Maddening….and dispiriting…that those closest to me think so little of me.
It's hard to be an Anomaly…but it's not something that comes with a switch…
It is Not something that I do to get a rise out of folks…(well, sometimes)…indeed, with the recent turn to the right, and hence, more conformity, it is more than uncomfortable to be so obviously Other.
Even so, it is a Duty that I take very seriously…to remain Integral…while the rest of the world seems bent on Suicidal Conformity.
Since I've been out of the Cave, it is incumbent on me to not deny the existence of "Outside the Cave"…I couldn't live with myself, otherwise.
I am among those who came down from the trees…and to pretend to be just another Fire Monkey is not only a disservice to my own sense of Worth, I reckon it as a disservice to Mankind…
It is not easy…this way I am.
It's hard, it's lonely, being Anomalous….There is, apparently, no Place for Me in this World.
When this is revealed, inevitably, it is "why don't you stop being anomalous?"
As if it's a "lifestyle choice", or a passing fad, instead of Who I Am.
Why should I regret it, lament it?
My "crimes" and "failures" are in the eye of the beholder, and not without context…and, anyway, they pale in comparison to the crimes and Failures of our Society, Civilisation, Species….
Instead of"why don't I change, be more like the Herd?"…I say, "why does the Herd persist in it's irrational, superstitious, ultimately suicidal behaviour?"
Without the Weirdos, we would have likely died out, as a Species, long ago.
It was the Freaks who thought outside of the Norm, who ensured our continued survival.
I am a Lonely Representative of that Tradition of Freakishness.

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