Inconsistencies in Arizona

My, what a shitstorm.
The Right has finally found a Gooberment who will do what they have longed for...
I predict that, at some point, Arizona will be the first state to secede.
But that's not what I'm on about.
I'm on about Inconsistencies!
Long has "Down with Big Government!" been a rallying cry for the Right. "Drown it in the Bathtub", "Get it Off Our Backs!"...
This Meme was, of course, stolen from the Libertarians...who naively believed that simply getting rid of Government would Magically solve all the problems in the world. (I know, as I used to count myself among them...)
The Right took this Meme and, starting with Reagan, used it as a Stealth Weapon against their enemies, who are Legion:Po' Folks, Black, Brown, Yellow and Red Folks, "Commies", "Socialists" and Secular Humanists....all of whom were believed to be either hanging from the Teat of Government, or Deploying that Teat in ways meant to benefit these Unamerrcans. (to the great disadvantage of "Real Amerrcans".
Now, at least for a brief time, we can watch the Laboratory of Federalism (State's Rights) work it's magic...the Law mandates that cops ask for Papers from anyone who doesn't look sufficiently Amerrcan.
From long practice with our Litigious Civilisation, the cops will err on the side of Caution...and stop Everybody, just to be sure.
The Inconsistency is this: How is this NOT Big Government?
How does this NOT intrude into our Lives in an unwholesome way?
Even disregarding the obvious parallels in recent history ("Papers, please...(Nazi Germany, USSR,etc...))this Law sets a course, necessarily, for More Government Intrusion! ...with it's inevitable bureaucracy!
(sigh.)
The other glaring inconsistency is what this Law hopes to remedy: "Illegal Immigration"....hordes of "undocumented workers", sneaking across the porous border, to "steal our jobs!"...
It occurs to me that these folks embody the much vaunted Free Market....more so than the sham of Corporate Capitalism, fer sure!
They have identified a Need, and risk Life and Limb, and Illegality, to Fill that Need. The right should be embracing these Paragons of Entrepreneurship!
The Free Market at Work!
...of course these folks would probably rather stay home, but nafta took care of any glimmers of an economy back home...messing with the Free Market caused this Immigration. There's a Lesson for the right....lol.

What a bunch of Maroons!
And! to boot! after all the shouting, "Drill ,Baby, Drill!", accompanied by Secret Fantasies of Nailin' Palin, I'm sure...the growing Environmental Catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico, not a month after the Evil One (Obama)(!??) handed them what they wanted, will expose the unfortunate Fact that all us Bleeding Heart Liberals, Hippies and assorted Godless Treehuggers were right, after all...250,000 oil spills since the 70's, and they thought opening up the Coastal Shelf for Rapacious Oil Giants was nothing to worry about.
So Louisiana will lose it's Barrier of Wetlands, as well as most of it's tourist and Fish economy, for oil that wouldn't last us a year, and would take at least 10 years to get out of the seabed.
When will a sufficient portion of the mouthbreathers on the Right finally peer out from their Colons and get right with Reality?

Geez!

(and a caveat, in case we're not on the same page...I detest the Right...no secret.
But it doesn't follow that I, therefore, Love Democrats, who I regard as merely less disturbing and evil than Republicans. There hasn't been a Left in this country in my lifetime...at least an organised Left that I could sign up with. A Real Left would oppose Empire, and all it's Trappings...no such animal, that I can see. Machine works too well.)

When the going gets weird, the weird turn Pro..-HunterSThompson

Further evidence of a nacent civil war…
The 2 women I talked to yesterday, one from a state congessman's office, the other, federal…were unintentionally instructive as to the depth of the Ideological Divide in this country.
The first was the more open and forthright…coming right out with it in a long, tangential meander into Tea Party Talking Points (which I saw later on Faux News).
The second made an effort to remain neutral, to handle the problem at hand (my lack of a Hip,etc), but her own Tea Party Exposure was evident, if merely implied.
I'll focus on the first.
At first, it was about "constituent services"…helping me find the services I require.
When we reached mutual understanding that there really are no services for my particular situation, she began veering Right…into the Government=Evil Meme-Field..
The fault, it seems, for the lack of an answer, lies with Democrats and Big Government.
I couldn't really follow her "reasoning" on this…something to do with Trial Lawyers and Malpractice being at the root of the high costs. I mentioned the possibility, obvious to me, that Insurance Companies and the Profit Motive might, in some way, have a share of responsibility.
Heresy!...those benevolent Corporations are merely trying to help..but the Evil Trial Lawyers and Socialists (whom, I gathered, were under every other rock), were ruining our perfect system…biting the Invisible hand, as it were.
She moved on to Car Insurance…a parallel to Health Insurance, regarding the Mandatory stuff in the new health legislation…I said, yes! There's yer precedent..right there!
She was having none of it.
That was ok, you see, because it's not all that expensive, and all those poor folks who "choose" not to carry insurance (for cars) are driving up costs for everybody…
She ignored the obvious relation her argument for mandatory car insurance had to Obama's argument for mandatory health insurance…
She moved on…seems there's a Credit of some kind for energy efficient appliances; Federally mandated, state administered.
Her office "handles" so many calls from folks wanting this "free money"(?) that the phones are smoking!
Damned Freeloaders…(I got that from her tone)…
I said that, seeing as I have ample time to read and learn, and am interested in such things, I had a solution!
Get onto the manufacturers! Have them make more efficient machines, (for instance : put the Guts of a refrigerator on Top, instead of on Bottom…where the heat rises into the area one is trying to cool. This is done with restaurant equipment, already).
I further suggested that it would be great to have available a fridge that ran on 24 ,48, or even 12 volt…to facilitate the use of wind and solar, which are easier to use in those voltages…(now, one must have lots more generation capability, as well as an Inverter…which loses lotsa power in conversion.)
This, apparently, suggested that I was talking about the Big, Gigantic Wind Farms going up all over West Texas….with attendant Giant Powerlines that no one wants in their yard…(I tried to syeer her back to the idea of decentralization of power generation…to no avail)
Those damned Environmentalist Hippie Socialists were Ramming These Eyesores Down Our Throats!
Seems these Ne'er-do-wells all live on the east coast, in cities, and on Martha's Vinyard…which the Kennedy's have fought to protect from such intrusions…(sigh.)
I, again, offered up a Solution!...Methane Digesters….Glorified Septic Tanks, simple Scrubbers=Free Methane for Everyone.
I said that such small scale digesters were made in Georgia, shipped to the Third World, but that they were unavailable in the US…due to some unknown Import Restriction…
She pounced! See, the damned Environmentalists!
I said, No…it's the Oil and Gas Corporations who had written these Regulations, during Bush 1…(if I remember right)…they didn't want the competition from everyone who Poops!. (think about it…"Natural Gas" is a marketing euphemism for Methane)
She, it seems, didn't hear or understand…insisting that it was Environmentalists and Trial Lawyers and Socialists and the Evil Federal Government who was at the bottom of this Nefarious Plot!
She then seemed to catch her breath…said she had been "in Government" for most of her adult life (she said she was in her seventies)…and returned to my problems…said she'd get right on it…
I thanked her, and that was it.

Analysis.
This woman offered that she has worked for the government for a long, long time.
But the government is the source of Evil in the world, and by implication, should be eliminated.
My statement(s) that it was the combination, the marriage, of Government and Big Business that was the real problem, was poo-poohed…multinational Corporations are Free-Enterprise at it's Finest.
Government is controlled by Environmentalists, Socialists, Hippies, Lawyers, Democrats, and Beaurocrats..of which list, she admitted to the last…being a government functionary for 50+ years.
Social Security and Medicare are Evil, except, it seems ,for the part where she is On Social Security and Medicare.
Poor Folks are Evil, as well…wanting to "be taken care of by the Nanny State" and "thinking they're entitled to a handout, when a Job is what they really need"…except that they're "too lazy and coddled to go out and find a job…since Welfare is right there for the taking"….(quotes are her words, as I remember them…I 'm not trying to put words in her mouth…)
Business is being "Strangled by Regulation and Government Meddling and High Taxes"…
All of which, at least in Texas, is demonstrably false…

Which brings me around to the most scary thing about this whole encounter:
Facts, Evidence, Objective Reality….none of this matters.
If it runs contrary to the Mythology, it either doesn't exist…or it is some kind of Liberal Socialist Plot to destroy us.
Nothing can disabuse these folks from their beliefs…the sky, when they look up, really IS Green!
This woman, and the other one…as well as a guy who used to work in the Medicaid Office in Brady…are all, by definition, "The Government"!
Yet they rail and rave that Government is Evil…without Shame, much less the slightest sense of Irony!
You can almost hear the disembodied Voice of Beck, Limbaugh and Faux News, behind everything they say.

We are so Fucked!

(and the Governor of Virginia has made a Proclamation of Confederate Day, neglecting to mention the role of Slavery in the War of Northern Agression…Civil War was all about Freedom!...
They are embracing the Meme.
Liberals, and all others who don't believe in this tripe, should clean their guns,(in a defensive manner, of course), and Hunker Down…
That may sound crazy, but I fear it'll come to that…)

Interstices

Sent this to "my" State Congresscritters:

Howdy,
My name is , ,and I'm disabled. I'm not "technically" disabled, due to the Byzantine system we have in this country, but I am disabled, nonetheless.
20 years ago, I had an accident…hit a tree at 90 mph. Both the tree and I survived.
I severed the "neck" of my right femur, made my left ankle into gravel, and messed up my knees…especially the right one. After I got out of the Hospital, I spent a long time in bed…then a long time in a wheelchair…and a long time learning to walk, again.
Sooner than anyone's expectations, I was back at work, and back at school.

The pain was always there, but it was tolerable. I was a cook…I like the term "Chef"…for all those years. I was very good at it…a "Ninja in the Kitchen"….but the hard floors, the long hours without a break, had their effect…
Five years ago, when I would go to work, I found myself having a harder and harder time finishing my shift…the pain was so great… After I finally got off, I could hardly drive home. Then, in the mornings, I'd find that I could not walk.

So I quit, and went to my Doctor, who said, "You need a new hip".

In these last 20 years, I have fallen a lot. I've broken both thumbs, both wrists, both elbows….damaged my back and neck (due, I think, to not being able to "lift with my knees").
Also, after my wreck and all the surgery and recovery was done, my insurance dropped me like a hot potato. I have never been able to get insurance, since that day.
So, all these "peripheral injuries" are undocumented…I just wrapped them up, drank some tequila, grit my teeth, and moved on.
When my Doc said "get a hip", I applied for Disability.
I have been through that whole process one and a half times….I'm in the second go-'round, on the first appeal to the first denial.
For some reason, they keep denying me.
Seems to be a criterion in the relevant law regarding "jobs present in the National Economy"…..notwithstanding the presence of such jobs anywhere near me.
I live in Mason, Texas. I cannot move, as I have been out of work for nearly 5 years.
This doesn't matter to the Judge, or to the Functionaries…
It seems like a convenient excuse for denying me.
I don't qualify for Medicaid, as my wife makes around $1000 per month…and the income threshold for adult Medicaid is $230 per month….in my opinion, ridiculously low.
A doctor friend of mine suggested that I "establish residence" in San Antonio, or somewhere ;where there are big County Hospitals. But I am fatally honest….I won't lie.
I am in a kind of Purgatory…I can usually walk, with great pain…I can do stuff, but I pay for it with pain.
I do the necessary repairs on this ancient house, but then I have to lie around for 1-5 days, depending on the strenuousness of the chore.
The few jobs out here are not conducive to this.
I have stated, repeatedly, that I am NOT after a check. I want to go back to work, start a business, something!
But to do so, I must be repaired.
They tell me I have Avascular necrosis in my hip…the bone is dead.
I need a hip replacement…I also need what's called an ankle-fusion.
The Orthopedic guy says I'll soon need a right knee replacement.
The Hospital quoted me, 2 years ago, $40,000+, just for the hip.
I'm at my wits end.
My family suffers, needlessly, for it.
What am I supposed to do?
The system is broken…and I didn't do the breaking.
I have never asked for "welfare" before all this started.
The system was built by folks who hold their Ideology above their Hearts…and it is Shameful.
With the recent hullaballoo over Health care Reform, there's been a lot of Hyperbole and Hollering…but the fact remains…I have fallen through cracks, that were opened, then made wider, by folks who care more about the health of Corporations than the Health of Poor People.
You, Sir, supposedly represent me.
I am a Human Being, a 5th generation Texan.
Fix it!

Thank You.
You can call me any time.(325)


Actually got a response…booted it up to "my" National Congressman…who's Minion called me.
She was very nice, very understanding…but there apparently ain't a damned thing they, or anyone else, can do.
The underlying contempt for all things Government was palpable, but I didn't get into my feelings about that…lol.
Seems that since I'm white, 40 and Educated, I have fallen through a sizeable Crack.
I am informed that the last five years of wrangling with a heartless system was for nothing.
She said it's "not what Social Security/Disability is for…it's for people who will never work again…"
Not, she says, for repairing younger folks so that they are able to go back to work.(!!)
So…from all this I glean that there is no help forthcoming, from state, federal or local government.
I'm screwed until I'm 65…or become so damaged that I can never work again.
Incentive to jump off the roof?
Yes, if I trusted the Machine with a hole in the head…which I do not.
I am, as I've feared, Doomed to deteriororate ,in increasing pain , till I finally can no longer move, at all.

I did get a rise out of her, though…
I related the results of my research into costs, regarding the Hip Replacement.
Fredericksburg Hospital "quoted" me a ballpark figure of $40,000…for the fake hip and it's installation. This figure does not include anesthesia, anesthesiologist, post operative stuff, a bed in the Hospital for a night or two,or any platinum-clad, diamond studded Tylenol or other extras that may be needed. Nothing about Physical Therapy, to get me back on my feet. Just the surgery.
I found a place that would do the whole damned thing…all the stuff mentioned above, plus recovery in a bungalow on the beach with a private nurse…for $18,000.
It's called Cuba.
It's the only country in the whole world that I ,as an American, am specifically forbidden from visiting.
If 20 grand falls out of the sky, I'll be on the first fucking boat, I told her…and y'all can throw me in jail afterwards.
If such things come to pass, be certain, dear readers, that the entire adventure will be available on YouTube.
Call it Citizen Journalism.
Or consider it a Stick in the Eye of the Beast.

On Falling Down

I have always been a drunk.
Not the "normal" drunk, having a nip every morning, needing alcohol to get through every day, or (almost) unconsciously following the dictates of Addiction.
I am Anomalous in this, as in everything else.
I'm Episodic…and Deliberate.
I know, at the outset, exactly what I'm doing….Trying to Stop My Mind.
My Mind is aswirl, most of the time. I've got Music…whole symphonies playing in my head, to the tiniest detail. For years, now, I just don't listen to music…it gets stuck in my head, and I can't get rid of it. I'll hear a snatch of (for instance) a commercial, that reminds me, on some subconscious level, of Mozart or Strauss, or Hendrix or John Coltrane….and my Mind takes over, playing the music back, like I have a tape deck in my head…whose stop button has been removed.

At the same time, having learned, it seems, far too much about the World, I think about Philosophy….whether Religion, or Politics, or Science, or History….Another kind of Symphony, playing right along side the other.

Daily tasks, like dishes, or building the porch, or even interacting w/ my bunch….I've got these other, parallel tracks in operation…

10-track mind.

Curse of Genius….

One of the problems, the Philosophical Track has no outlet in the real Life I find myself in….there is no Salon…no Lycee..nowhere to find others who Think.
America in the 21st Century, at least Texas, is anti-intellectual…(which is, of course, one of the Harbingers of Fascism…Action over Thought)….

So, in my Time, I've found that, not only am I unable to be socialized, Domesticated…unable to just naturally "fit" into our "Culture"…the things I think about, the things I care about…noone really wants to know.
I can't make "small-talk"…I just don't get it.
Here I am, concerned about Very Large Things…our place in the Universe, what it means to be American, Human, Alive…lately, whether we as a species actually deserve to survive ourselves…..
And everyone wants to talk about basketball.
About who fucked who.
About what they bought at walmart.
(spell check wants to capitalize "walmart",lol)
My Wife tries to Engage me…but we are conditioned by the Machine to be uncomfortable with Thought…
So many of the most important questions have no definitive answers…they are open ended.
Many others require looking at ourselves sans-slogans…without the Labels that we use to, unthinkingly, shut down critical thinking.
It appears that most folks are uncomfortable with Thinking…preferring, instead, to accept whatever Model they've been handed.
Safety in the Warm Herd.

I have been told, usually by shrinks (who are singularly unprepared for someone like me) , to "shut it off"….just stop thinking about the Very Large Things…Accept…rejoin the Flock, in their Happy Oblivion.
Therein lies the Problem…not only can I not stop…I don't want to stop.
To stop Thinking about these things would be unethical…it would, if I could, put me into the Herd in such a way that would destroy my Integrity.(the Integrity that matters, how I see myself…not the "integrity" that is worn on the sleeve…noone can see my Integrity.)
To say" it's too hard to think about Ethics in an unethical age" is the same Cowardice that I rail against.
I'm stuck…so, once a week, once every two weeks (it varies)…I drink.
It starts out fine…it works….the Mind slows, I can focus on one track…the Music quiets…I find the "Sweet Spot", like the drunkard in Streetcar named Desire…
But the addiction takes over from there…and, sometimes (not always) I go too far…become Mr Hyde…
Mr Hyde is a Libertine, an Extremist…a Kerouacian Force of Nature….Dionysius on Acid….
Totally in the Moment, the Eternal NOW.
I don't run off, like I used to…Even Drunk, I'm still a Cripple, after all.
Now, I find myself "drunk dialing", even online….I think it's looking for connection, just forgetting the Anomalousness….
I don't realize, in that state, that I am even harder for folks to Understand…I make references that, if I were sober, I would usually attempt to explain….
These seemingly unconnected references come across as strange, as wildly inappropriate…they are frequently taken out of Context….a Context I fail to provide.
Complexity of Thought, presented as it Is…without Explanation….
I think that is what I find Liberating….not having to give a class for every utterance.
I know the Context…it's right there, before my Mind's Eye…when I'm beyond the Sweet Spot, I (mistakenly) expect everyone else to have the same Contextual References before their Mind's Eye as well.

What to do…
When I manage to abstain…or, even, to stop at the Sweet Spot…my Mind gets so spun up…whirling with all these Big Things that have nowhere to go…no outlet.
It is… uncomfortable.
Our "culture", in it's long drive towards Homogeneity, driven by Consumerism , Materialism, and the Unspoken Fascism these engender, has few outlets for Anomalies like me.
We are all supposed to be the Same….it's never stated so plainly, honestly…but it's there in every Trope, every Slogan, every instance of Small Talk.
It is Implied, strongly, that Unusual is Bad. Normal is Good.
Beware of the other, the Not Like Us.

What to do?
One can't Unring a Bell….I can't unread Nietzsche….can't unthink all the thoughts that led me to this place…I cannot be "normal". It would mean Pretending to be Normal.
And that would be Dishonest….and require a Bullet.

And in the current "cultural" milieu, with unthinking Teabaggers, and secretly ashamed former Bushies, and Fundamentalists of every stripe…well, there is even less of a need, or even mere acceptance, of Me.
Plug in the deterioration of the Practice of Discussion…
Plug in the Certainty on all sides…
And you have the recipe for Pitchforks and Torches….Mobs.
I know enough about history to understand just who the Mob thinks is to blame…
And it looks an awful lot like me.

machines, thinking

I find it strange, that the Bots, or whatever, that place the ads on my little blog seem to think I'm a Right Winger.
"Stop the Liberals"?
"Say No to Cardcheck"?
Someone tell the Machine that I am a Liberal....please.

screw it...

After actually being engaged in Mr Horowitz's site, for however briefly before I was no longer allowed to...and after reviewing past experience with other Right Wing sites...I give up.
There can be no common ground, no agreement to disagree, no compromise...when one's "opposition" inhabits a completely different world.
The Right's hysterical hatred of anything that wanders out of their narrow world...
Their inability to see anything outside of their narrow worldview, makes impossible any attempt at coexistence.How can one, in good faith, compromise with folks who believe that you are Evil...and will believe nothing to the contrary, no matter the evidence?
It appears to me, after long study and observation, that the Right simply cannot see evidence that contradicts their Ideology.
Consider the cherry-picking of scientific knowledge, the rampant cherry-picking of Bible Verses and even the cherry-picking of quotations by the Founders...picking out those utterances and concepts (or pieces thereof...) that support their World; and chucking all the rest.
Most obvious is the Bible stuff, I think...Ignoring the "Liberal" sayings of Jesus (Beatitudes), and quoting, ad nauseum, Leviticus, Exodus, Isaiah, Revelations, and various passages from Paul...in other words, the most violent, warlike, hate-filled parts are the ones they holler the most.
There is even a website, modelled on that evil, liberal Wiki, to rewrite the Bible, excising the "Liberal" parts.
The recent uproar in Texas, with the Board of Education rewriting History, and the teaching thereof...removing Thomas Jefferson (due to "Wall of Separation between Church and State", I'm sure),in favor of Newt Gingrich,St. Ronnie, and a revived Joe McCarthy.(!)

The total forgetfulness of what Lil George, et alia, accomplished...instead, focusing on what they perceive happening w/ the Obama administration...almost word for word what we on the Left saw with the Previous Occupant.(the difference is that Lil George left ample evidence laying about...no shame there!).
Projecting on to "Liberals" the very things that they secretly hope and pray for....like death camps, roundups of the "opposition", widespread spying, wrecking the country...all of these things that have been a part of Right Wing Rhetoric for years, they Project onto us.
Never mind that such things are inimical to "Liberals"...go against the very things that make us Liberal, in the first place.
Fine.
I propose that we give them a little world...say Oklahoma, maybe Kansas...we can argue about this...where they can be "God Fearing Conservative Patriots".
Can we skip the whole Civil War II, thing? just hand over some portion of the country where they can try their Right Wing Theocracy, and whatever else they have been pining for?
If Texas falls under that Jurisdiction (Likely) I'll be happy to emigrate.
I can think of nothing else that would avoid Hobbes' War...the Political System is hopelessly Marred...they Broke it.
They broke it when they decided that elections don't matter...if they lose them.
When they decided that Majorities don't matter...when they are not in them.
The last year has been a testament to this...they don't think it matters that they lost, handily.
They still behave as if they are in charge.
What can men do, in the face of such Mindless Intractibility?
We'd be in better shape arguing with Geese.

Perusing David

I've been wandering around David Horowitz's numerous web-publications...
(I started here:
)
I am just stunned! Talk about Myopic, Studiously Ignorant Ravings!
They see everything through Red (Commie)-Coloured Glasses!
Obama is, somehow, a Liberal/Progressive President...which seems to equal, in these people's mind, Communist/Fascist Totalitarianism. (?)
Amazing.
Seems that if one doesn't swallow the whole Capitalism/Manifest Destiny/USA!=Freedom(no matter what!) Mantra, one is, by definition, a member of the Enemy...lurking in shadows, yet at the same time, boldly taking over God's Own Country.
No grey area, here!
As I remember, it was Conservatives...not "Liberals"...who had a hand in creating the Mujahedeen in Afghanistan...leading directly to Taliban/Al Queda.
It was Conservatives who championed Deregulation of Corporations, in the name of "Free Enterprise"...which led directly to our current Economic Malaise.(Clinton, who is not "Liberal" by any sane definition, went along with Conservatives in this)
It was a Conservative "Administration" who shamelessly and openly usurped many of our Rights under the color of fighting a War on a Tactic (Terrism!).
I could go on, and on...
I am not saying, and have never said, that Democrats are our best hope.
I'd be as Myopic as Horowitz.
Democrats, with few exceptions, are nothing close to Liberal/Progressive.
Neither is Obama.
They are, at best, merely less Right Wing than the Republicans/Conservatives(who are linked by their own words, not mine...and have been trying to tacitly separate since the Failures of BushII)
I expect my contributions to David's Comment Sections to be removed, forthwith...not because I was nasty (I wasn't) but because there is no room, in his world, for a Reasoned Opposition.
it's sad, and illustrative...I go to such sites because I really do want to know...I want to understand folks who think like that.But when I dare to ask questions...dare to point out inconsistencies..I am either banned or pilloried or both.
I'm interested to learn how Good David reacts.

Cowardice

The Stupidity, and Disingenuousness, of the Right never ceases to amaze me…
In continuing my rant from below, if ya' want a Revolution, a Civil War 2, at least have the courage to come out and say it!
The Right's Machine, their de facto Leadership, has for years been scaring folks into more and more violent and apoplectic moods. Combined with the demise of Discourse and Debate, this has led to a very Dangerous Place: a Nascent Revolution.
I don't have numbers, polls being what they are…but whatever percentage of the country is included in Right Wing Nuttyland has been stirred up, like the proverbial hornet's nest, to the very edge of a Violent Outburst.
This should surprise no one…and indeed, many on the Left have been warning about this for years…(Dave Niewert comes to mind)
That the Republican/Conservative "leadership" is frantically backpedalling, now at the Hour of their Glory, highlights (in Pink?!) their lack of Courage.
They are, after all, Cowards…Arm Chair Rabble Rousers.
Pathetic.
They hide behind small, fearful, outraged Idiots…the same idiots that they have created…the same , that they have nurtured, and poisoned, and whose hair they have set alight.
Now, when their long program of ignorance and indignation has come to fruition, they run for cover.
If they truly believe in their own Rhetoric…of which there is ample evidence, going back to the Palmer Raids, at least…if they really believe all the Vile Things they've pounded into the minds of their Base, they should grab a flag, and a gun, and get out in front of the Mob they have created.
They won't, of course…
Turns out that the Right is not only Cowardly, but quintessentially dishonest.
The Reason the Right's "leadership" is against Healthcare Reform is not, as has been shouted, because it is a "Government Takeover"…it's because it will at least begin to rein in the Corporations involved in "health care".
They are against Unions, and the stalled EFCA…not because of some principled concern for the Freedom of the Worker…but because restoring the right to Collectively Bargain hurts the bottom line of Corporations.
They, in almost every instance, have hollered about how they are for "the American People" and Freedom…when, in Reality..they are protecting the Rights of Corporate Vampires.
I could go on, but it's very early…
The "leadership" of the Right will continue it's disingenuous distancing from the Violence they have unleashed…
They have created these conditions, now they can sit back and allow the Machine to do it's work.
A Principled Stand would be out of character, and might lift the Veil just enough to allow the Bewildered Herd to see where their real allegiance lies..
Why would they risk that?
Fucking Cowards.

Do-Overs

So…the Democrats and the President (finally) pass something to reform our Byzantine, For-Profit Healthcare System…and the Right goes Apeshit…
Throwing insults, epithets and even Bricks (!) at Democrats, calling for the Lynching of Elected Representatives, Praying to their God for the Immediate Death of their Opponents…
Suddenly, the Republicans, and many of their TV Loudmouths, are furiously trying to put the toothpaste back into the tube.
"Oh, the violence is just terrible…we didn't have anything to do with it…but it's terrible!"
What a bunch of Chickenshits! Hypocrites! Liars!
Since Obama began his campaign, the Right (including elected Republicans) has been hollering all manner of lies and hyperbole…that O will be the socialist/communist/Nazi/fascist/negro…END of the Frakkin World!!!!!!
That the "Liberal Agenda" (as near as I can tell nonexistent, much like the "Gay Agenda") includes Death Camps, Death Panels, Gun Confiscation, and Handing American Sovereignty over to the UN…or Iran, or Hugo Chavez, or Mother Russia….(it's hard to keep track of all the Serious Existential Threats, there are so many…)
Now, when a portion of the watered down Liberal Program is passed into Law, and the last almost 3 years(+100) of Eliminationist Fearmongering have their (predictable) effects…the Right is surprised, and Shocked!
How could this have happened?!
The Right's over-the-top, Fact-Free Rhetoric…from Reagan on…but especially since 9-11, has been leading us to this point….inexorably.(it really began with Hoover…)
The Toothpaste is out…and there is very little to be done about it.
Facts, Truth, Objective Reality…these things are an anathema to the Right…ever since they hitched their Wagon to the Fundies. Same thing with Civil Debate and Discourse…they have been replaced by Ad Hominem Shouting, Shamelessly Lying about Everything, Coded Language and Ideology Trumping Truth.
Mythology is what passes for Reality, now….("we create our own reality" said Turdblossom)
And the Holy Cleansing Civil WarII that the Right has been itching for…without ever being honest enough (with themselves or anyone else) to just come out and admit…that Civil War is fixing to come to pass.
Except, this time, it'll be sans battle-lines…Bellum Omnia Contra Omnes…house to house…almost random.
When you make Civil Discussion impossible…when you use Eliminationist Rhetoric against your political opponents…when you ceaselessly promote Fear and Loathing as Legitimate Public Discourse…and when you Lie and Lie and Lie, about Everything for almost 100 years…
Well what would you expect?

Ethics

To make one's way in the world, with one's Integrity intact, a System of Ethics is more than helpful.
After 30 years of development, I figger now is as good a time as any to set down mine...
For my boys.

There are several anecdotal maxims that I consider to be at the Core of my own, personal System of Ethics.
First among these is the Idea of Reciprocity....variously stated in the Golden Rule, the Rule of Hillel, the Wiccan Rede and (in thousands of words) Mill's On Liberty.
My favorite, and (in my opinion) the most succinct, is the Rede:"An harming none, Do as thou wilt."
Can you imagine what the History of Mankind would've been like if everyone had taken this Maxim to heart?
Kant said pretty much the same thing, with his test of Morality/Good..."is what I contemplate something that I would make into a Universal Law?"
or, "Would the action I am about to perform , if Universalised, be a Good thing?"
These things, which are just different ways of stating the same thing, all require us to Think about the Consequences of our Actions....like the Iraquois, down to the Seventh Generation.

The Second Maxim is as follows: There is a Prohibition on First Use of Force...with the exception of defending the defenseless...but even that caveat is, at root, a Defensive stance.
The Idea is that one should not, under any circumstances, Initiate Violence...only defend against the Initiation of Violence by Others. Again, what would History look like?
This Maxim can be shoehorned into those areas where actions are not Violent, per se, but merely contain the Threat of Violence...however veiled.
Coersion, as in the Tax Man, the bully, the Dictator...
The PaleoLibertarians extend this concept to the Mundane. If some dude opens up a factory of some kind next door, belching noxious vapours and emmitting loud noises, deep into the night...he has initiated a kind of Violence onto the Peace and Tranquility of the neighborhood. He has lessened the Quality of Life.
The PaleoLibertarians insist that he must make recompense, or cease such Violence.
I wholeheartedly agree...and find that, altogether, this Inclusive use of the term quite marvellous in maintaining Peace.

The Third Maxim: The Purpose of Life is to Learn and Experience.
Trite cliches, such as "it's the Journey, not the Destination" are applicable, here. We, endowed with Conciousness,can be thought of as the Universe Contemplating Itself....an Idea I find Profound and, ultimately, comforting.Consider, Life's grand March on this small World has been a March toward greater and greater Conciousness....From Cyanobacteria to Plants to Amoebae to Dogs to Us (as far as we know...see below).
Greater ability to Introspect...greater capacity for Understanding. With Greater Understanding should follow Greater Compassion...but it is seldom so.Which leads to the Fourth Maxim...and the most Important.

Socrates said, "I know that I do not know"...and thus, was the Wisest man in Hellas.
Socratic Perplexity is the first step to Wisdom. It's opposite is Certainty.
Consider...if one is Certain, if one believes that one's own worldview is, necessarily, correct, without Error...Inquiry, Introspection, are shut down.
One is immune to Compromise. One has Reached the Destination...no further argument is needed. This, invariably, leads to the Crimes we see throughout our History.
It is Fundamentalism; Religious, Political or both. When we are Certain that we have the Truth, the Journey is over...we are free to force others to adhere to our view.
This is particularly odious where Religion is concerned: "We are Right, because we have the Word of God, in this Book...of unknown, questionable Providence..and as we interpret it....therefore, we are doing God's Work when we slaughter these Infidels and Heretics ("Faithless Choice-Makers")". This mindset, of Certainty, leads inevitably to Violence...after all, if God is "on your side", you can do no wrong...Inshalla,it is God's Will. Who can counter this?What Reason can penetrate Certainty...this is the Fundamental (pun intended) Problem of our Time.
The Remedy to this is Perplexity..."I know that I do not Know"....in the face of that Arrogance, that Presumtion of knowing the Mind of God...I am Humble in my studied Perplexity.
I Do Not Know.
This doesn't mean that I don't have some Ideas. On the contrary, I have constructed a Model of the Universe that satisfies me...untill new data is found that shatters the Model.
We all construct Models of the Universe....most don't realise it, and accept the Model that has been handed to them...never questioning the Foundational Assumptions that lie at the root of all such Models.
I have Foundational Assumptions...the sky appears Blue....Oxygen readily bonds with two atoms of Hydrogen..there is a Thing behind Things...indeed,.all manner of assumptions.
The difference is that I am willing, and ready, to cast out my Foundational Assumptions when and if some new evidence is found that makes them Unworkable.
Jesus shows up on my rooftop...revise my thinking that Xianity is Superstitious Nonsense.
I expire, and wake up in Hell...well, you get the idea.
I do not presume to Know, for Certain...anything. All my Knowledge is Provisional...Subject to Revision, pending new data.
I readily admit, that this is a more difficult way of interacting with the World....but I believe (untill new data disproves it...) that it is the only Honest way.
This Perplexity, this UnCertainty, is an effective shield from the stupidity and violence we find everywhere. If I Don't Know, am I likely to follow someone in doing Violence to the Other?
No, I am likely to follow my own Mind...since the Great Leader can't presume to Know, any more than I can. The Pope, the President, the King, the Crime Boss...all are just as fallable as me...just as Perplexed. They just don't know it...and I do. I , alone, am responsible for my own actions...not to God, or the King...but to myself, and my own Integrity. And. not because I fear punishment, but because I wouldn't respect myself if I went against my own counsel.


That's it...that's the Ethics of Amfortas the Hippie.

Kill the Bill!!!

First, Congress should kill this sorry excuse for a Health Care Reform Bill.
Second, Joe Lieberman should be stripped of his Chairmanship, then Kicked the Fuck out of the Democratic Caucus….loudly and soundly.
Third, Democrats should abandon Bipartisanship, come up with a Single Payer Bill, and ram that fucker through…
Reconciliation sounds good.
Dems have the Majority…what’s the fucking problem/?
A much slimmer Majority of Republicans held us all hostage during Lil George…
Is it that the Dems are too nice?
Or is it, as I suspect, a lack of Spine/Stones?

Silence

The main reason that we are NOT a Democracy, but a Republic, is that the Founders feared Pure Democracy.
They had been in the Political Minority, and wanted to avoid Mob-Rule, the Tyranny of the Majority.
Thus, we have a Constitutional Democratic Republic, where the Minority (or Minorities...) are protected, under Law.
I wholeheartedly agree with these sentiments...they sound great.
What a wonderful country that would be, that enjoyed such Egalitarian Freedom.
Sadly, that's not how it always is "on the ground".
I live in a Red County...the last 20 years have seen the Republicans gain the Majority.
The problem is that the Democratic Remnant is afraid to speak.
They feel intimidated, I think...judging by my Wife and the few other Liberals I am acquainted with.
The Right walks around, spouting their eliminationist, racist,dishonest rhetoric...and noone calls them on it.
Kids in the high school call the President a "Nigger" on the way to class...and nothing is said.
Teachers provide their captive audiences with the vilest of misogynist, anti liberal rants.
Regular folks,good Christian women, talk of the need for public executions and a return to Prayer in the Public School.
I have overheard talk of "running the Socialists off'...and, indeed, have been nearly strangled by a member of the local American Legion, in a bar, for relplying to his query,"what do you think about George Bush"...with "I think he's a War Criminal."
The local paper is filled with columns, and the occasional letter,with a decidedly "Conservative" slant...but any "Liberal" reply is demeaningly labeled "Politics as usual"...as if to say "how dare they"...or"see, we let the crazies speak, too..."

And the "opposition" lies down.
They are too polite, it seems, to actually call any of this what it so obviously is...Fascism...lest they offend their neighbors.
They are as shocked as the Right when someone has the temerity to stand up and call "Bullshit!".
So the eliminationism, the racism, the underlying violence of the rhetoric of the Right goes unchallenged...
And they begin to believe that "everyone" believes as they do...
And ,eventually, they will think that they are within their "God Given Rights" to "get rid" of any remaining Liberals...or Queers, or voting Mexicans,or...well, you get the idea.
These things must needs be challenged, ere they grow and fester, and turn into a new Civil War.
It is the Duty of the Minority to be vocal and unafraid...to stand up and speak out...whether the Right likes it, or no.

Another reason why we shouldn't torture people...

...I mean besides the troublesome fact that it's inherently immoral, uncivilised and beneath what we ,as a Nation, purport to hold dear.
Seems the Obama Administration wants to bring 3 Al Queda "Detainees" out of Guantanimo, where they have been safely out of reach of Justice.
So now the Right has a conundrum.
In fact we all have a conundrum, just the Right's hands are a little more sticky.
You see, during the Bush II Years, we abandoned the Rule of Law...we took these "Enemy Combatants" and placed them on a US Base, on a Communist Isle...Placed them in a kind of Legal No-Man's-Land.
We stripped them of all Human Rights...
Then we Tortured them, in violation of our own laws, international law and human dignity.
They are tainted men, not only for their horrible crimes, but for how their accusers have treated them.
Now that they are being brought to a Court in New York, the Right would have us fear that they may escape, or (ludicrously) get off on a "Technicality"....
Which translates as,"get off scott-free because our torturing them rendered our "evidence" against them unusable..."
What really has the Right worried is the prospect of the sordid details of the Guantanimo Experience all over the Media.
What was done in the seven years, Post 9-11, of the Bush II "Administration" will be once again laid on the dinner table, as it were, where it can quiver and ooze.

The Right will argue that it is so much better, and more likely to remain forgotten, if we just keep them in Cuba...out of sight, out of mind.
What the present Administration is doing will ensure that these 3 men, and their stories, will be right in front of everyone...just in time for the start of the 2010 campaign season.

Should be very entertaining to watch the contortions of logic, the stammering and righteous indignation that are sure to ensue.

tangled

"All the people we used to know
They're an illusion to me now.
Some are mathematicians
Some are carpenter's wives.
Don't know how it all got started,
I don't know what they're doin' with their lives.
But me, I'm still on the road
Headin' for another joint
We always did feel the same,
We just saw it from a different point of view,
Tangled up in blue."
-Bob Dylan
Copyright ©1974 Ram's Horn Music

Suddenly, after 20 years of exile, a drunken, half-hearted web search finds 2 old friends...
The other hair-farmer from HS and the lead singer in my first band...
20 years+- ago, I was on the road...mostly.
Couch-surfing, VW Van living, wandering....
Ended up in Austin, Texas....And didn't really tell anyone...
I had lost connection.
And what I knew of the other's lives pointed to them being very different from my own.
Oat Willie's "Onward through the Fog" and Kesey's "Further" were ingrained in me....
So I didn't even try to go back....save once...

Made an appearance at my 10 reunion, but the former Jocks and Bowheads didn't remember me, and I wasn't on their list....so couldn't get in..
(!)
Clinched the deal for me....
I inadvertantly disappeared into the Texas Hill Country.
(All of the dates, chronologies and timelines are approximate, at best....I am Timeless.)
Had a few contacts, over the years...usually during an exceptionally inebriated phase...Proved my theory, that I alone still harbor the Wildness that defined us, back then...
'Normal" lives, all of them...
I can't say I haven't thought about at least attempting a "Normal" life....Just don't think it's in me.
I've strayed too far from the reservation,it seems....and can't be found.
Our experiences constitute who we are, and how we define the World.
My experiences have been singular, and far outside the norm...ergo...
Strange duckness.
I've had a wild and interesting life.
(only 2 regrets...not sticking to my guns on a Philosophy degree, and not seeing more of the world)

Pain makes ya bored

A "Stop health Care Reform!" advertisment appears next to my Blog!

What can one do in the face of such incredible, well-funded, rediculousness?
I managed to plant 2 beds of Garlic and set 2 (very heavy) steel posts...in the last week.
Rest of the time, I've been laying here, in a vicodin haze....
Neck-down pain.
I'm doing good to do the laundry and dishes.
And cook.
Gotta earn my keep, after all.
My wife is very understanding....
The Depression that inevitably results from being a couch creature is almost as bad as the pain.
Daytime Tv...sucks.
I've watched all the dvd's we've collected over the years....and I read, a lot.
Now, it appears that my eyesight is in trouble.
The walmart magnifyers (x2.5) no longer do the trick.
Add "real glasses" to the list of health related things I can't afford.
sigh.
Still waiting for the county "indigent care" chick to get back to me....perhaps she'll have good news.
And I reapplied for Disability/SSI...for what it's worth.
Preemptively, I asked the (very nice) woman if i could get my employment records.....
Last time I applied, I got all the dates and stuff wrong...only to find out that they had the correct info right in front of them.(duh! they're Social Security...)
I was told it would cost me $57 to get my records.
Not gonna matter, anyway...my "credits" have decreased in the last 3.5-4 years...and I am probably not eligable for Disability/SSI.
Won't know for sure for a very long time, I suppose...given the glacial pace of these things.
One good piece of news...Doc upped my dosage of Vicodin...so I can take what's necessary without running out.
I'm still quite miserly, tho....Titration, and all.


With news being the only, somewhat, intelligent thing on TV during the day....I surf through all those channels.
Even Fox.
The "Debate" on health is an endless source of hollerin' at the boob Tube.
Bachmann's nutty Tea Party at the capital, yeaterday, marked the end of my Tolerance.
I switched it off and attempted to sleep.
Today, I've been sending irate e-mails to the AstroTurfers...including the RNC.
And I know that it will not make a difference.
They don't even hear contradictory opinions.
It's like arguing with Geese.

response to ignorant diatribe

This is a letter to the editor of my local paper, never sent(no internet at the time), in response to another letter, in which a woman fawned ond masturbated over Glenn Beck...and called on us to "Wake Up" and resist the "Socialist Menace".....


Gerry,

I read the three-column diatribe in "Letters" last week, and felt it needed a response...

Where was the outrage, for the past 8 years, as the Right's poster-boy subverted the Bill of Rights, handed out no-bid contracts to his corporate pals, wiretapped all and sundry, etc. etc. etc.?
I guess that when a Republican endeavors to destroy the very Foundations of this country, that's somehow OK?
And that all us who disagree must sit down and shut up?
Love it or leave it, and all….
But Heaven forbid that a "Liberal" gets into office (sans "voting irregularities" or unprecedented "help" from the Supreme Court)...Then it's "Man the barricades!!!"

Heaven forbid that a "Liberal" try to repair the damage done by 30+ years of "conservative" policy...like reregulating Wall st., putting giant, multinational corporations back in their box, and endeavoring to make the Super-Rich pay their fair share.(the Horror!)
And Heaven forbid that someone attempts to rebuild our station in the world, renounces torture or puts an end to these stupid, wasteful wars.
And, please, Heaven forbid that anyone would attempt to see Justice done, and our former Employees punished if they have broken the Law.
For 30+ years, the Right has poisoned the mind of America...with lies and disinformation, fear-mongering and ad hominem.
And, for those 30 years, we have heard the ceaseless cry of “Deregulate!” and “Free Market!” and “Trust Business!”
“Drown Government in a bathtub.”


The Bush II "administration" was the horrible fruition of "conservative" policies that have brought us to the very edge of ruin.
And now that a majority of Americans have opened their eyes to the folly of such nonsense, the Right has no choice but to get up on it's hind legs and holler...
It has no other recourse with which to fight the Truth.
It's "ideas" have been shorn of their Glamour, laid bare for what they are, and always have been:
Government by, and for, a self-selected handful of Elites and the corporations they hide behind.

And, all my counterparts on the Right, I challenge any of you to define “Socialism”.
I’ll bet that you can’t.
Your’ studious ignorance, your’ emotional reactionism, plays right into the hands of those who would rule us all.
Those aren’t reins in your hands,
But chains.
Wake up, indeed...then look in the mirror.
And look into getting a dictionary.

Thanks,

Whores and Weasels and Mossadegh.

Whores and Weasels

The Senate has caved....
Passed a "health bill" that "contains a public option"...
Except that it allows States to "Opt Out"....
And would only "cover" a smidgen of folks who need or want such an option.
I guess the money was just too good.

And even with such a cowardly, niggardly bill...the Dems lost Olympia Snowe...their sole product of months of "Bipartisan" handholding.

sigh.

Missing in all of this is examination of fundamental assumptions....per usual.
For instance, (and most importantly)...
Why the percieved necessity of preserving the Health Insurance Industry?
TINA.
(!)
The Parisitical Corporation has no business being in the business of "providing" access to Health , for Profit.
This isn't hard to understand.
What do they do?
They don't "lower costs"....this would be against their very Nature.
Everything in their Being leads them to cut expenditure in order to increase Profits...
Expenditure, here, is read as "Providing Health".
Why not do away with them....for the very same reason we don't (so far) Privatise water, sewer, Interstates (and other roads), the Air Force, the cops, the courts, and the fire Department.
There are efforts to Privatise these things, I know...Toll Roads and Military Contractors, etc.....
Luckily, these have been limited, almost experimental....and disasters.(see the record of the Bush II "administration")
(Hardy Toll Road, in Houston was great when it was government run...I think it wa privatised, I don't know)

The Profit Motive is anathema to some endeavors.
Really wan't "cost-cutting efficiency" on that bridge?Or would engineering overkill be more confidence-inspiring?
What about the fire crew rushing to your' aid?
Why send 3 trucks, when one might do?
Costs money to be proactive and preemptive, after all...might harm the Bottom Line.(There is actual history regarding private fire departments...ugh!)

Healthcare should be a Human Right, not a "Product"....that we "Consume".

A perennial problem with Corporations is even more egregious when it involves Health and Life....
Recourse.
Bodiless...Soulless...Artificial Creations that ultimately turn on their Creators.
Where does one place the bullet?

That is one reason we have Government.
To rein in, and kill when necessary, these Vampires.
Corporations are extensions of Human Avarice into the Realm of Myth....almost a magical cloak, behind which greedy men can hide.
Government, almost alone, has the Power to destroy them...or keep them on a leash...since it is Government that facilitates their creation.
(The other Entity that has this Power is the People....but, I fear we are too ignorant and fractured to be effective...)
(and Government is supposed to be an extension of the People, anyhow...)

So....
Obama should abandon the Republicans....and the "Blue Dogs"...to the Political Wilderness.
Abandon "Bipartisanship"....the Opposition abandoned it 30 years ago.
Pull a Mossadegh!
Nationalise the Health Insurance Companies!!!

The Right will wail....and maybe even rise up...
But then, at least, we can all choose sides.....inject a little honesty into this fight.
Who sides up with who.
Abandon this horrible pretense that Politicians are not Whores and Weasels...that they work for us, not Vampires....
Put it to the test.
Nationalise, and see what happens.

More ranting from my web exile

10-02-09
Got my shop (that I insist on calling the Barn..."Boy outta the country"...) just about set.
Office area, w/ computer, guitar stuff,etc...a little place for fly-tying, which my almost 8- yr old is interested in...
Fishin' poles on the wall, a large workbench....etc.
All that's left is removing the nasty couch and armchair that Drunk Uncle left in here...Prolly hafta take the Sawzall to the couch...
The woodstove is intended for the place currently occupied by that detritus.
Back porch is finished, except for the roof...which will hafta wait ( as will the Smithy roof) until the debt to the Hardware store is paid down.
Internet will be cheaper than I first thought...
After these few things, all I'll have left of the heavy lifting will be the rest of the fence (around the back lot), and the chicken house....
The latter will be constructed from material recycled from porches, etc at the country place.
When I get to it, I'll take the large "load-center" from the Greenhouse to replace the small one in the Barn...more illegal electrical work...LOL.
After the City "Inspects" the Smithy and Porch, and eventual Chicken House, I figger I'll be free to run power (covertly) ...
So, soon, I'll be able to lay off the construction work...which is causing a hellova lot of Pain!...and work on Blacksmithing, Poultry Ranching and Gardening.

The Government, in it's Wisdom (?!), has deemed me " Not Disabled"...final appeal fell on deaf ears....
Despite MRI images that a blind person can see, and the determination of 4 doctors...
Now I get to start all over..except that my "eligability" runs out in 3 months...(haven't worked in almost 4 years...)
What's left in the quiver of options is the County "Indigent Program" (run by the most beautiful woman in town, at least..), and several ideas that border on Fraud, and/or illegality..
I can "establish residence" in San Antone, in order to get into their county health-care system,
Or, my Wife and I can get a Divorce, so I can act homeless and destitute, to meet the rediculous requirements of Medicaid...(Adults in Texas must make below $231.00/month to qualify)
Or, as a last effort, I can borrow $$$( yeah, right) or (more likely) rob a bank...then steal a boat and run off to Cuba, and get fixed there...
Even without the Grand Larceny, this last is illegal...

I'm probably just plain Fucked.
And should resign myself to the remainder of my life being one of increasing pain and decreasing mobility...
Considering getting ramps in while I'm still able...for the eventual wheelchair...

There is consolation in the knowledge that Blacksmiths in Mythology were, all of them, Lame...
I have a barstool at the Anvil...
What worries me is the pain in my arms...peripheral damage, from falls when I was relearning walking, wear and tear from the cane., compensating for my legs,.etc.
The Lame-God aspect and the prospect of building upper-body strength ( and the high price of swords..) are what got me into Blacksmithing in the first place.
All this construction/remodelling work I've been doing these past 2.5 months has left me a bundle of irritated nerves.
I hurt from the neck down...and it's Fall.
Cold fronts are beginning to find their way to within 1000 miles of my Barometer (my skeleton)...and every bone and joint that I've ever broken, bruised or otherwise damaged is crying out.
Shall I ennumerate?
The obvious: R. Hip, L. Ankle, R. Knee....these are the primary complains, and the root-cause of all the others.
Both wrists, both thumb-joints, both elbows,(old, untreated fractures from falls due to bad legs)
Neck, from a truly ancient injury,
Back ,from compensating for legs,...right between the scapuli is the worst...
R. shoulder, I assume from leaning a little too heavily on my stick.
Left Hip, now...don't know why...
Left knee, for the same reason as the right(locking knees onto the brake pedal during my encounter with the sweetgum tree)...

Sigh.

river

10-14-09
The only problem I have left with this town-living, having gotten used to the rest, is having nowhere to retreat to...away from Humanity.
Barring earplugs, that is.
I just returned from White's Crossing , on the Llano river.
There is what amounts to a road, now filled with mud, that winds a mile or two upriver, through the pecan bottom.
One passes between, and through, deep oxbow gullies,quiet meadows,and beneath towering limestone cliffs.
This morning, i saw a deer, and a coral snake devouring some smaller, unfortunate snake.
It was quite nice...and peaceful.
I flyfished for a while, till I realised that the river was full of snakes....(!)
Recent rains must've stirred them up...I saw around 10 of them in the water...a.nd decided it wasn't an opportune day for standing in the river
As I was putting my dry shorts on, I heard the arrival of Humans, 3/4 mile away, at the bridge.
It was hard to miss....
Booming bass, echoing off the cliffs, shouts, gunning engine...
So I packed up my gear and headed out,(I was starting to hurt,anyway) hoping to get back to the truck ere they opened fire.
(This has happened before;idiot rednecks with machine guns, shooting up the woods...where I happen to be fishing.)
These folks had left before I had picked my way back....too muddy to run down wildlife with the truck, I guess.
(I have witnessed this behaviour, on more than one occassion, as well...)
There was a new bag of garbage near my truck....I tossed it in the bed.
(This is nothing new either...whereever the public has access to Wildness, around here, there is a debris-field from the encounter.
I regularly bring several bags of trash out of the river...even carry trashbags in my truck....At least this lot was already bagged.)
I had wanted peace and quiet and Nature.
I had the first two, for a while...and I am thankful of that...
And Nature was all around me....
But now that I don't actually live in the Wilderness, there's nowhere to go to get away from people...and their noise and trash and nosiness...

latest health rant

10-13-2009

Well, here I am...40 years old...and denied my final appeal for Disability.
Borrowed $$$ and got an MRI that a blind man can read....to no avail.
Right hip is trash.
Avascular Necrosis...(that means dead bone due to lack of blood supply)
Left ankle is toast...one pound of metal and numerous fractures and "Loose Bodies"...X-Ray looks like a gravel pit.
Right knee is screwed as well....damage from the wreck, 20 years ago, plus wear and tear from cooking all these intervening years...damaged ligaments from falls, no cartilage to speak of.
My lawyer says to reapply...start all over.
Only problem is i haven't worked in almost 4 years (I’ve been disabled…duh.)...my "credits" will run out in December, and I will no longer be "eligible" for Disability.
But i can't work...at least at a real job...
Sure, I can do things that need doing around the house/farm (within limits)...but "working" for 4 hours then laying there, in pain, for 2-4 days isn't exactly what most employers are looking for, I think.
4 hours is what I can generally handle...if I stay clear of heavy lifting, ditch-digging, etc...and if I have the option of sitting or laying down, when needed.
I'm talking here about housework....laundry, dishes, cooking.
If I am required to do "real" work, (because if I don't ,it won't get done. like slapping together a porch/future utility-room, patching the roof, etc)..I'm worthless for several days.
The Judge at the video-hearing had an “expert” with him, who determined that I was capable of two jobs….”Cut and Paster” and “Order Clerk”. The former, I have no idea….seems like computers do that kind of thing. The latter is usually found in a warehouse…and in my experience, requires lifting and walking and 8 hour shifts. No one seems to have noticed that most employers have not exactly been pillars of social responsibility these past 30 years…and, regardless, there are no such jobs within at least 40 miles of me.
So what am I to do??
A Doctor I know suggests that I "establish residence" with a friend or relative in San Antonio, or somewhere...and get into the County Health System.
Of course, this would be Fraudulent...at least to me.
I can't afford to move to the big city....let alone live there.
Another tack...
Divorce my wife (on paper)...
In Texas, where we are all Christians, following His Teachings to the letter (snort),an adult must make less than $231.00/month in order to qualify for Medicaid.
My wife brings in around $900 every month....ergo, we are deemed too well off for Public Assistance.
So, we reasoned, we could pay the $300 for a divorce, and I could "live in my truck" with "no income' and, theoretically, qualify for healthcare….save that I’m pretty sure that one needs an address to get Medicaid.(How someone making under $231/month can maintain a residence is beyond me…)
And, once more, fraudulent...
The three surgeries I need would cost around $18,000 in Cuba, I'm told....
as opposed to $100,000+ , here...
But, I have no money...
In theory, the Emergency Room is forbidden from turning someone away....one hears this on the news all the time.
I'm not sure I'm confident enough in that assertion to test it....I mean, I could jump off the roof, thus (inevitably) breaking my damaged hip, and calling for an ambulance.
With my luck, they'd check my credit score, or something, before handing me an advil and pushing me out the door.

I have been uninsurable since I was rebuilt, after that wreck, almost 20 years ago...the insurance I had then paid all but $100,000, and dropped me.
Haven't had insurance, since.
And....now, it's not only the big three...(hip/ankle/knee)...
It's my back, my neck, my wrists, my elbow, my thumbs, my shoulders....and my "good" hip.
Wear and tear...compensation for my damaged parts.
You're suppose to lift with your' knees...but what if your' knees are fubar?
Ergo, damaged back,etc.
Of course, I have no "proof" of all of these newer ailments...MRI's. X-rays and doctor's visits are expensive. Too, when I fractured my thumbs in a fall, for instance, I wrapped them up, drank tequila and endured…no records….no documentation.
So when I reapply for Disability, I'll just have my word.
And if my previous experience with the system is any indicator, they won't even process my application until I'm no longer "eligible".

So, while my "Representatives" are yelling about "Socialism" and generally standing in the way of any real reform of this fucked up "system", I deteriorate.
And get more broke, and broken.
And wonder why my country has abandoned me.
At this rate, I don't think I can make it another 23 years, till I am eligible for Medicare....assuming that that program hasn't been misused and defunded and destroyed by that time.
It is disappointing, in the extreme, that my best "option" seems to be to rob a bank, steal a boat and make my way to the nearest Communist country.
What does it say about our System that that becomes a more and more reasonable choice?
When varying degrees of Fraud and Grand Larceny are the best, most cost effective path to health? Or even the only path.
What does it say about us? A self-described "Christian Country"?
When I review the four Canonical Gospels, I can't find any mention of taking care of giant Corporations at the expense of the Poor and Sick.
Nowhere is it mentioned that we must make sure the rich get richer.
Jesus didn't buy stock options in the money-changers....he kicked them out of the Temple.
The various Parables don't say the Rich will inherit the Earth, but the Meek.
Jesus was a Liberal...
And it is the height of hypocrisy to call oneself a Christian while supporting a political party that, at every turn, does just the opposite of what Jesus would do...as deduced from His Words.
War is not Pro-Life...neither is the coddling of the Super Rich...
But Universal Healthcare is.

3am

3am 9-6-09


So, "L" is taking shortcuts through the back yard...
He's real slippery...such that I haven't been able to confront him.
I noticed him standing at the property line, looking into the back, as I was out front taking trash out.
By the time I got in and to the back door, he was already through the yard....he was waiting for front door noises...
Clever.
I don't think he means any harm...except maybe to any material I neglect to lock up....
I surmise that he's trying to avoid the road...he's a wanted man.
(for dope and petty theft)
If caught, he'll be deported.
So I have a cheat-sheet stapled to the back door jamb......
""Te puedo ayudar?","Alto!","No traversar.""Privado propiedad.","Camina alrededor." and "Vamos!"..
I think a tall fence would speak volumes...in any language..
I'm decent at Spanish, in a kitchen...but my grammar sucks...and I'm better suited (as w/ all languages) to reading.
Give me text in Greek, German, Latin....even French...and I can figure it out.
At least the gist.
Spoken, it moves too fast....
Most, I've never heard spoken out loud.


New problems have presented themselves regarding the house...
Sewer. (!!!)
Borrowed a mechanical snake from FIL...switch don't work...gotta rig it somehow...it's Labor Day...so noone's open till Tuesday.


I had intended to be blacksmithing on all these weekdays that everyone’s at school…
First “free time” I’ve had since my oldest was born almost 8 years ago….
Alas, Moontime Don has thrown a sizeable wrench into those plans…

I’m to the point in my dismantle-out-there/build-here regime where I must either dismantle the big stuff…or purchase new material.
Too, I’m having the propane tank moved…so there’s a ditch to be dug…a wild peach tree to be cut…
And more $$$ I don’t have to be spent on the gas-man to get ‘er done.

Roof/walls of the Smithy (integral to the fence) will come from the porch out there…I hope.
Roof , and posts, and long boards…for the new back porch for W/D,etc will hafta be new.

And my Dad is coming…
He’ll cast his critical eye on all aspects of the property….
And, hopefully, approve….
And be open to helping us purchase it.
My Brother is getting all manner of help to get into a “real” house in Kingwood….his down payment would buy this place, outright…

Brother did everything right…finished school, and college…worked diligently in a career track…makes upward of $80K/year.
…And can’t make ends meet.
While, I …the “crazy one”…have been a Chef/Musician/Farmer (and now, Crippled Philosopher)
Never made more than $25K….mostly much lower…
Quit when I got pissed off at stupidity/unnecessary drama…
And, generally, went my own way.

I think it says a lot that we’re both in pretty much the same boat.
This is NOT our Grandad’s America.

Haven’t had time to think about Doom…or social/political issues…
Hollered at the TV, a lot…
But haven’t had it in me to bitch/ hold forth…

Perhaps we’ll have an opportunity this winter…

Lawdy...

Lawdy,Lawdy….

Turned 40, yesterday…at 18:45 CST.
Awoke at 4 AM…. By 5;30, I’m out back…digging holes for psts..for gates.
I dig “Pi-Gates”, my own invention…two uprights, and a lentil….very Megalithic…
Crossties…
So I’m up at 2, this AM, feeling like I’ve been run over….

Hafta lay around and watch movies, today….
Sucks…not least cause I got all this work to do…

Uncle has been surprisingly civil…and quiet.
I suspect it’s the regular evening meals I’ve been providing.
Better than he’s eaten since Grandma died.
Too, nourishment, and a belly full of lasagna, mitigates the drunkennesss.
Whatever…I’m just glad there hasn’t been any BS from that quarter.
L, however, is back in town…sneaking furtively through my back yard to avoid arrest/deportation…(hence the perceived need to finish the fencing: Gaucho is a particularly nasty variety of barbed wire…lol.)

Still, makes me a mite jumpy..him being around….doing the staring thing.
His brother ,B, is a real piece of work…
Prolly my least favorite part of the barrio.
Fat, mean and hypermasculine….stereo in his (overly loud) dually can be heard for blocks…and he spends most of his time w/ the drug-slinger next door…truck parked out in the road, doors open, conjunto blaring…bass penetrating.
Nervewracking for a dog-eared hillbilly.

Besides that, it’s not that bad being in town….
Proximity to so many folks (compared to the last 16 years) will take some getting used to.
Intellectually, I know that noone is “watching”…but their mere presence ( and the Mexican “staring” thing) makes it feel as tho I’m on stage,,,
(More good reasons for fences…especially the opaque kind…)

No more wanton nakedness….someone will surely call the Law.

Sigh.

8-26 observations:manana/machismo

8-26-09 Observations:Hippie,into the Barrio

So there was this dude, "L", friend of Uncle...who moved into this house in Febuary...
Same Deal as me..."fix it up."
Did just the opposite...then went to jail...now deported, as far as I know.
Drug addict,etc.
Been cleaning up after him, since i arrived, almost as much as after Uncle.
Old Chevy pick-up, in pieces, in the back yard...I want it gone.
So, I (repeatedly, over 2 months) keep on Mother in Law, the Liason, to contact L's people to get rid of the junker.
Brother, Girlfriend, etc...no luck.
No action....
Manana.

To be clear...I wouldn't know L from Adam.
To me L = "someone I've cleaned up after."
Don't know any of his people, don't really care to.

So MIL says, finally, "get rid of it"...so I call the wrecker who will scrap it for free.
After 2 weeks, the wrecker finally shows up last night at 7pm...
Hooks a chain up to the wreck and has one (what's left of a) wheel on the edge of the truck, when a dude shows up...
" where are you going w/ my truck?!"
I've seen him , and waved, for 2 weeks next door....They told me his name,"B", but never mentioned that he was L's brother...
So wrecker guy goes back ,pissed at the waste of time, and B says, w/ bluster, "I'll move it tomorrow"...

I'm a "walk-by-and-get-it-done" kind of guy...my inheritance from Pop, my Grandad..
The Manana Phenomenon is a source of endless frustration, to me.
I just don't get it.
Manana, coupled with extreme drunkenness and drug use, is why this house has been allowed to fall down around Uncle.
Hence the contrast between the last 5 years, and the last month or so...
Cultural trait....the Anthropologist in me is intrigued...
The Husband/Father/Doer is frustrated and bewildered.


Another cultural thing that intrigues and bothers me is Machismo.
I have spent most of my life in kitchens...hanging with the women.
I'm Bi, and comfortably removed from all the testosterone-poisoning....never been comfortable with the whole Man-thing of Football,violence,"Honor" and "My Dick Is Bigger"...
Among Hispanic men, this dick waving is taken to the extreme...
Inherant Misogyny...and the worst culprits, from my studiously objective standpoint, are the ones who have the least to brag about.(!)
Most of my experience w/ this phenomenon comes from Wife's family holidays...Xmas, etc.
The Women, inside in the kitchen...
The Men, outside...with beer.
Talk is about football, pussy...and put-downs.
I tried, for years, to at least hang...
But I will, it seems, always be the sissy white dude...tolerated, and joked at.
Individually, the men in Wife's family are alright...I can engage them in almost conversations about what I regard as more important/interesting things...
But gathered into a group...impossible.
I suspise that it has something to do with male perceptions of powerlessness…
The Hispanic Culture is, essentially, a Matriarchal one…
(at least as far as I can see, and read..)
The Women carry the purse, control the money, raise the kids, and do all the things, big and small, necessary for the continuance of the species/culture.
The men, on the other hand, either work (hard and diligently), and hand over their $$; or they hang around and drink…
The individuals who hang around and drink, are more Macho…more blustery and rooster-like.
It seems there is an inverse relationship between the amount of gainful work done/versus amount of drinking and the prevalence of the Mach attitude.

Can't wait to get internet....I have lots of questions...lots to learn...
My anthropologist hat shall remain invisible.

8-25-09 into the Barrio

8- 25-2009

Have we really been here for a week?
The Barrio is not as bad as I had feared…Folks are ,generally , quiet…it’s the constant traffic, not even on our street, necessarily …any where within a mile, or so…
Damned country-boy dog-ears…
When one lives down a dirt road in the Wilderness for so long, the ears get sensitive.
A car coming down the road, there, is most likely coming to you, or lost…
Here, one has to consciously resist that habit of looking…else ya spend your whole day looking out the window.
Very frustrating.
I’ve got the place mostly livable,tho it still needs considerable work…
I plan on getting a back porch in, for the washer/dryer, and fixing the electrical in the boy’s room, and calling a moratorium on construction for a while.

On the house, itself, at least…
I still require fences, and a chicken house, and a place to blacksmith.


Sometime, ere Winter, I must insulate and repair the kitchen ceiling.

After all that, I’m done…till I can gain greater security…
Ie Buy the damned place.

I’m taking a Pain Day, today…
All this labor has caught up to me, it seems…
I don’t think the MRI helped, either…
The two gigantic magnets I got between, two days ago, hurt just like a cold front…
I could feel them pulling at the screws and plates in my legs.
The images look ominous…
I’m no expert, but I am a Genius…and have a working knowledge of anatomy…
Where the left femur is filled with white (marrow), the right is black.
The acetabulum, trochanter and the whole top part of the femur is obviously deformed…hopelessly marred.
I can’t wait for the report from the actual experts…


I got a lot of dismantling ,and cleanup, yet to do out at the country place…
I just haven’t had the body…or time…or gas money…
And it’s been so fucking HOT! At least 100 degrees, every day, for 66 days…
Hottest Summer on record.
I’m looking out the front glass door at the little park across the street…baking….waves in the air from the heat rising…rusty tin roofs and white clapboard houses with peeling paint…old trucks in backyards…chickens and goats…
Conjunto in the afternoons…and folks driving past, looking…
It’s a Mexican thing, I think…
The staring…
I just wave, to everyone…and they generally wave back.
On the weekends, one can smell Bar BQ…folks cooking goat, ribs,what have ya…
Lotsa music and beer-drinking going on…
Quite lively.
Thankfully, they seem to start early…and, thus, are passed out and quiet by 10…only heard one “domestic incident”…

Drunk Uncle got drunk last Saturday…threw a hissy (about what, I couldn’t determine)till his girlfriend hauled him off to Menard…
He came back Monday, been quite docile…staying in the RV I set up for him.
Seems happy with it…It’s cleaner than this place was, and has everything a Drunk Uncle needs…TV, fridge, AC, and a place to take a leak…
Anyhow, that was the Deal…
And he’s only here for 2 more days, then he’s gone for the Winter.
He seems kinda surprised what a crippled Guero has been able to do to this place (and the RV) in such a short time…
We fed him and let him into the shower yesterday…he was looking around in obvious amazement that it looks like a real house.

His buddies have mostly got the memo that he’s in the RV, I think…although there were two who banged on the door at 11:30 last night…they figgered it out quick enough…never knowing that there was a naked hippie with a 357 mag on the other side of the door, watching them.
I expect that behaviour to stop as soon as he’s gone.

All in all, things are moving right along…so long as Uncle holds his end of the Deal, we’ll be fine.
And I’ve endeavored to coat him with honey, without appearing to…so he ain’t got a thing to bitch about.
Till I can make an offer.

True colors and the Origins of Clinical Depression

So it finally comes out...
The "Majority" party is no better than the current minority.
Corporations are more important than people.
"Change" is what the Dems rode in on.
But, it seems, only the rhetoric has changed.
Whores and Weasels.
Prostitutes in 3-piece suits.
What is the price of getting your way in Washington?
Where's my lobbyist?

Once again, Fear trumps all.And the Republicans are masters at Fear-peddling....Get all the Ignorant fired up...
Get them out in the streets, at the Town-Halls, with egregious falsehood and scare-mongering.
Socialism!!!
Stalinist Healthcare!!!
They gonna "pull the Plug" on Grandma!!!

Obama is just like Hitler!!
(Along with the unspoken subtext that they are really just pissed that a Scary Black Man is in their White House)
What a fucking world we've made!
And in the face of this, the so-called Majority Party lies down,supine....as usual.

And one can't, it seems, counter any of this with Facts and Reason.
It just doesn't penetrate.
Only shouting and stupidity will serve.

$60,000+.
That's what the nearest hospital tells me it'll cost to fix me...so I can work, again.
Cuba says $18,000....with recovery at a beach resort, with a private nurse/physical therapist.

Which Bailed Out Bank should one rob?
Which CEO's yacht to steal?
If I were to wash up into the Bay of Pigs, would they take me?

I've got an appointment for an MRI...estimated cost:$1000-2000 in money I don't have...
Last ditch effort to prove to some faceless panel of "experts" that, despite my age and appearance, I am "disabled".
That I really do need a hip/ankle/knee.
That, after almost four years, they should grant my request.
So I can get on with my life...perhaps sans debilitating pain.

++++++++++++++++
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
We're halfway moved in to Grandma's house...
Which is really Drunk Uncle's House...
He's a migrant worler, as near as I can tell...sheep-shearing and concrete work...depending on the season.
In essence, I'm trading one beligerant drunk for another...except, perhaps, this one can be bought...given enough weed/beer/whiskey.
Moved the ancient RV next door for him to crash in whenever he breezes through town....he says this is cool ,one minute....
The next, he's on about crashing in his house...in my son's room...whenever he comes to town.
A lifetime of drugs and alcohol have withered his mind...he can't remember one minute to the next....perpetual NOW.
Makes it somewhat difficult to make plans...have some modicum of stability...

So I've spent the last month,or so, getting that house more liveable...
Fencing the yard, cleaning, patching, putting in floors, etc.
Been drinking more, too...doc cut me off from the Vicodin...finally got that sqared away...
Pain!
Held up by clenched teeth,
Endure.
Endeavor to perservere!
Get it done, so I can get my boys someplace safe.


Except that I don't know if it is safe.
I don't know when Drunk Uncle is leaving (it's been "9 days" for more than a month), or when he'll be back.
Don't know if the RV/crash-pad will suffice.
Or if he'll push his way in...or what I can do about it.


++++++++++++



The Belligerant Eunich, Moontime Don, is to blame for this current uncertainty.
His untreated PTSD/Bipolarism...
I hope he's happy.
( I know he's not)
He finally broke down and took the mountain of trash that had accumulated since I quit to the dump...
Don't know how he offloaded it..
I wonder who used to take care of that particular chore?
I wonder if he wondered the same as he was dealing with his stinking garbage.
Mom says he's admitted to going too far...except where it come to me
I am, still, the source of Evil....the irredemeable cause of all his problems...the quintessential Scapegoat, placed on the altar of war in the stead of the King.
(?!)

++++++++

And the other perennial roadblock...
Wife's degree.
School told her, 2 years ago, that she could take a course ( The LAST FUCKING COURSE!) online (they only offered it sporadically), then, when it was complete, denied it...
It didn't count.
And there was no recourse, of course.
So she took it again...waiting to see what they'll do...
And the one, primadonna professor (who apparently sleeps w/ the Dean) is in Spain...and she is the one who schedules and gives the Exit exam....no word on when that may happen...
So, for at least the last year, we've been waiting for this last course, and this last test, for Wife to (finally) get her degree....
Hopefully by December....
Then she can apply for a "real" job somewhere....and we can start moving on getting our own place...
This, along with my health issues, is what we've been working towards for 4+ years.

+++++++++++++++++++++
I worry that the country won't hold together long enough...
That the folks behind the "Conservative" movement will finally succeed in getting their population reducing Civil War II.
That the combined effects of Peak Resource, Climate Chaos and Financial Ruin will doom us all to a new Dark Age.

I fear that the Enlightenment has run it's course...
And that I've run out of time to get where I need to be to weather the aftermath.
Until Father's Day, I had thought that we would stay here....I was under the impression that here was the Homestead, the bulwark against the vagaries of the world outside...
The Land was the one, tangible thing I could count on...
But no longer.
Now, we are adrift.
No tangible things, at all...
Noone, save my Wife, to trust...to count on...
To expect to keep their word.

Themes and Memes

Themes and Memes

If i had to pick a "theme" for this blog...for what it is that I'm driving at...
I think it'd be the Myth/Reality thing..
This has, under it like it was an umbrella, things like Justice (as a Platonic Form)..
Honesty (ditto)...and finding a Model of Reality that fits better.(.my rants on Healthcare falls under there somewhere.)
And I can't help but see all of this through the filter of my own experience and thoughts.
I try to overcome this last part...I try for objectivity...but i am, in the end, merely human.
Civilisations are interesting creatures.
I adhere to the idea that they resemble life-forms.
Superorganisms.
As such, they have behaviour patterns and life-cycles, and are subject to stimuli and macro-psychology.
For instance, and pertinant to what I'm driving at;
Barzun and Toynbee's idea of Decadence...the decay of, not only Morality in a given civilisation, but a decay of that organism's Will to live and continue.
Not the petty "who's fucking who" tabloid idea of decadence.
It's bigger than that.
And not the narrow Morality of the Hypocrites who would rule us.
Barzun and Toynbee were referring to something like the Social Contract...the Glue that binds us together,into a Civilisation.
We are in a period, I think, of Global Decadence...we have a Global Civilisation, after all.
And we are a Civilisation in Decline...not because iof Peak Oil, or Queers, or whatever the Fearsome Thing is today...but because we have lost our desire to innovate, to reach and to better the world.
We have forgotten the reasons behind our being a Civilisation..
We have lost our Collective Soul.

Complacency.
Laziness.
Greed.
Fear.
One can argue that 9-11 brought to the surface a latent, Civilisational PTSD...it had been there since at least WW I...but had lain quiet, behind the scenes...beneath our common conciousness.
Longsword, over at Darkage Blog, calls it Nihilism...in a Nietzchean sense.
(and he has much better grammer and spelling than I do..)
I'm getting at something a little different...I think Sociology, as currently practiced, is insufficient..
We must invent a Macropsychology.
(we may have, but it hasn't jumped up and bit me...)
Erich Fromm goes there...but that was a long time ago.
We are in such massive denial, about just about everything, that we are trapped....like the folks in Plato's Cave....
Afraid to look outside our comfortable delusions....the Warm Herd...the Satisfying Myth.
As I've said, Cognitive Dissonance as Policy...as every-day-go-to-work fare.
We are Insane....and confuse our insanity for sanity.
And as a drunk must see that there's a "problem", and then must WANT to fix it...so we, collectively, must have the sight to see the problem, and then WANT to try and amend it.
There are many factions and forces that seek to prevent such soul-searching and repair...we call them TPTB...or the Illuminatii...or Corporate America...or just Government.
Many scapegoats..."it must be the Queers"...or "illegals"..or Satan.
But these things are merely symptoms of the overall disease.
Convenient things to lay blame on, and shelter our own fragile egos....for if we "go there", and open those doors just a crack, as i've said, Reality comes flooding in and all our Myths are washed away...leaving us Naked and Alone.
And we seem to be too fragile for that.

My all-time favorite TV show is the recent reworking of Battlestar Galactica.
Get past all the high-tech spacefaring Robots-who-look-like-us stuff...and there's a Philosophical motif...
(actually, I think there are more than a few...)
"Do we, as a Species ,"Deserve" to Survive"

Read that again.

Can you make the case for us?
I question whether the existence of an Einstein or a Michelangelo or Chris Cornell can justify all the damage we have done over the milennia.
For all our feats of Tech...our Higher Math and Microwave Ovens...the Goddamn Internet!!!
For all that we have accomplished, have we yet earned the right to survive?
And I'm not talking about God, or gods, or any of that stuff...
The Criteria should be Reason.
No superstition is needed (or wanted, by me at least)
We go around, as we have forever (in our timesense), doing as we please...and then justifying the damage done..like the rapist saying, in all sincerity
"She was asking for it."
The European/JudeoXian Civilisational Branch is particularly odious...
God's chosen race, after taking that moniker from the Jews...we may do as we please.
We consider ourselves the Pinnacle of Progress...the Reason for the World...the Fulfillment of God's Plan.
What an arrogant creature Man is!!
What Hubris!
We have even secularised this idea.
Progress!!!
Manifest Destiny!
Capitalism!!!
But for all our prancing about, can we back it up with Reason...Objectively?
(can we BE objective? )
I question all of these assumptions.
The fact that we all aren't questioning them (and this is all a big bummer, I know)...the fact that we refuse to even consider these things means that we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes and atrocities, in different clothes, again and again...
Why is there still Genocide in the World?
I mean, after the Nazis?
Have we learned nothing at all?

And speaking of nazis...the Bush II "administration" brought us, arguably, Benevolent Fascism, shorn of Jack Boots and tanks in the street...but their Ideological Foundation rested on Fascism.(read Leo Strauss, "Natural Right and History")
And we allowed this...either because we actually supported it, or were too fearful to stand up or didn't notice or care, in the first place.
We continue to believe the Lie, and the Liars that push it...."it's too hard", we whine when confronted with an Evil that is obviously within our responsibility to set right.
Why?
That's what I'm driving at.
We persist in our Mythology...ignoring anything that contradicts it.
The Mythology is so vast and all-encompassing that we cannot just chip away at it.
We can't just "fix" a portion of the Evil...and leave the rest for another day...
The whole thing must be torn down.
Can't get rid of a fire-ant mound one ant at a time.
And this thing we've built, over milennia, is much more complex that that.
But before we can even contemplate it's dismantling, let alone what gets built in it's stead, we must recognise that there's a problem.
There's an aphorism on my door:

"Is God willing to prevent Evil,but unable?
Then He is Impotent.
Is God able but unwilling?
He is malevolent.
Willing and able?
Whence Evil?"
(I think it's from Epicuras)

We can no longer rely on Supernatural Saviours.
We simply cannot wait.
It is up to us, to fix our own mess.
And I fear that we won't, while there's time.
Entropy will beat us to it.
sigh.

The War on Pain Management

So Michael Jackson kicks the bucket....presumeably due to prescription pain medicine abuse...and suddenly the old Crusade against pain management is roaring, once again...
I suffer from chronic pain...
Hip/anlke/knee are the main culprits, due to catastrophic injuries, near 20 years ago...
But I also have widespread, peripheral pain...every bone I've ever fractured...back, due to compensating for the other injuries..(Lift w/ yer knees...unless yer knees are hopelessly marred.)
When the weather changes, especially in the Fall and Spring,..or when I overdo some necessary activity...or, sometimes, for no apparent reason at all...I'm knocked flat by severe, debilitating pain.
Hurts to lie in bed.
I took all kind of NSAIDs for the first 15 years...till I connected them with the heartburn and other digestive difficulties.
This caused me to do a heap of research...find out all about the drugs I was taking.
Turns out, that Tylenol and other NSAIDs are some of the most dangerous drugs available.
There are, it seems, hundreds of varieties of NSAIDs readily available...the stronger they are, the more scary side effects are associated with them.
"Sudden Death", "Catastrophic, lower GI bleeds, without warning.." etc...
I realise, being terminally skeptical, that these side effects are "merely" statistical...coming out of clinical trials...
Perhaps .01% of the sample had these horrible symptoms...
Still.
Too, these drugs are well known Liver Killers.
Read the label...read the PDR...
I began searching for alternatives...
Alcohol works...lol.
However it, too, is a liver killer...and has other, undesireable, side effects...i.e. Drunkenness.
"Golly", I thought..."there sure aren't many choices"
Then I looked past the propaganda...and found the Panacaea.
Opiates!
Specifically, Vicodin.
Now, in the US, Hydrocodone only comes with the equivalent of an Extra Strength Tylenol attached to it.
This is, ostensibly, to prevent abuse.
Turns out that opiates, when closely monitored and managed, are some of the safest drugs on the planet.
The main side effects, constipation and addiction, are avoidable with careful management...
And the scary stuff associated with them, like CNS Depression, Coma and Death are really easily avoided...(Just don't take a shitload of them.)
So I acquired a Vicodin presription from my Doctor.
For more than a year, I've been taking 1/3 of the maximum dose allowed on the presciption...and only when the pain becomes unbearable...or preemptively, when I know I must walk the pasture to find lost baby goats, or whatever...
With a healthy respect for this drug, I've managed to cut down on drinking (the Tylenol portion made this necessary as much as the hydrocodone did...)...Ilve slept better...and ,overall, my quality of life has improved.
I still hurt all the damned time, and I'm sometimes knocked flat by pain,and I can't handle any of the jobs to be found out here, but things are mostly a lot better.
I have guarded against addiction...and, even more, guarded against developing tolerance for this drug.
The last thing I want is for hydrocodone to stop being effective.
The next steps up the ladder are things like Oxycontin...I don't want to go there.

Well, Michael Jackson died...and the issue of prescription pain killers is all over the news...
Stories about folks who "doctor shop"...folks who take a month's worth of Vicodin per day...etc.
Nowhere have I seen an examination of causes...why are these people doing this?
And even more frustrating, nowhere have I seen an examination of simple methods of preventing this kind of behaviour....i.e. Some kind of registry, that can be checked by a doctor to determine if the person seeking these drugs is a "shopper".
Now, my Doctor (who I have a great relationship with) has apparently caught the bug.
Is it media influence?A reminder from the DEA?
I've been cut off from the only medicine I've found that 1.works 2.doesn't mess up my belly and 3. doesn't scare the shit out of me when I read the info the Pharmacist icludes with every refill.
I've been reserving my last 3 pills (I only take a half at a time) for 4 days...Figger I might need them when the pain gets too terrible...
I haven;t licked the pill bottle...haven't sought out illicit supplies...I have felt no withdrawal symptoms, save increased pain...
I'm even willing to suffer for a month in order to prove that I'm not an addict...like they show on TV...

I hope this tactic works...Fall is approaching...
Along with Hurricane season...(I felt Katrina and Wilma like they were in my room, from 3000+ miles away..)

This whole thing is more a result of politics, and a Puritan outlook on suffering (Suffering is Good(!!?!)), than it is of science.
The Drug War...(Pot, by the way, helps a little, too...esp. for the depression that inevitably comes from not being able to fish or fuck or play with my kids...)
The Drug War IS a War on People.
Instead of taking a rational approach to mitigating the undesirable effects of many of these drugs, we demonise them...and anyone who uses them...and anyone who is thought likely to use them.(Hippies)
Consider pot, for a moment...
The Party Line of the Drug Warriors, for 80 years, has been that Pot is as bad or worse than Heroin...that it makes ya' violent and crazy...that it is a "Gateway Drug"(ie if you smoke Pot, you will ,as day follows night,end up shooting Heroin)...
All of this has been proven, scientifically and repeatedly, to be wholly untrue.
Information and studies (conducted, in many cases, by our own Government) is widely available...yet the lies persist.
The Mythology endures...and , again, trumps Objective Reality.
I can take $10,000 and clean out a liquor store...take it all home, and drink myself to death...and it's perfectly legal.
But heaven forbid I smoke a joint in the yard...or manage my pain with quasi-legal substances.

Being a long-haired hippie, I have been chased by cops my whole life...
Since i've been taking Vicodin, I must go to the only Pharmacy where the folks who work there actually know me...anywhere where I'm anonymous, I can't get the presciption filled due to my age and appearance..
Seems I fit some kind of "Profile"...which is of course rediculous and hopelessly outdated.
All the drug dealers I've known in my life have been clean cut Frat Boys...
They have NOT been long haired, bearded hippies in camo shorts, driving a garish, spray painted pick up truck,an walking with a stick and a noticeable limp...
Mythology trumps Reality.

I could, I guess, grow Opium...chew the sap, or whatever...
But I don't want to...
What I want is to take a relatively safe medication, with few side effects, and under doctor's supervision...in order to have a reasonable facsimile of a Normal Life.
As it stands, I can't have the surgeries that would (hopefully) take care of the worst pain...and I can't have the medicine I need to mitigate that pain.