Blog Archive

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Autumnal Thoughts;Rest-less Equinox

The After-Work Pain became remarkable around 2000.
Only marginally, at first.
Of course, it had been there since the Wreck…but it had been unremarkable, tolerable, until then.
It became Acute and Widespread, in 05, after 5 weeks of Produce Department.
A year later, I reluctantly Retired altogether.
I went from 4 days, to three, finally to one.
My days as a Bohemian Chef were over.
My days as an Employed Person,
were Done.
Having developed a habit of Bruxist Tenacity,
I Soldiered on as Househusband/Farmer/Dadda/Field-Hand….Diminishing steadily.
The Off Hours spent in Feral Scholarship, and a slow emotional breakdown.

Early Days of this Process of Disintegration, there was an irrepressible urge to Live, while I still could.
Canoe, Fly Fishing….also Diminishing, as my Skeleton Rebelled.
Replaced by Drink.
Six and a Half years of wrangling with the Empire, frustrated at every turn.
Trying not to think about what I was Losing, and purposefully avoiding any Hopeful Thoughts about what might come after, if I ….Miracle! …Won my Case.
Since there’s no Medicaid Card currently in my hand, I am still reluctant to Speculate.

….But I can’t help it.
I hate the very idea of Surgery.
Especially Hip,
And more especially Back.
Will it be a Second Chance at Living?
The Lame Walks again?
Bow Hunting with the Kids?
Will I Perish?!

Or merely less Misery, more restful sleep,
Perhaps an occasional Evening Walk?

I doubt seriously that I will ever work for someone, again.
I’ve lost the habit of interaction, and of taking orders.
Self-Employment, for me.
Maybe a Digester Manufactory, or something else in Alt Energy…
….but perhaps that is being too optimistic, Re: Rehabilitation….
How about procuring a used Smart Car…one of those little Euro-Things, all boxy, and efficient…
Mason’s first Cabby….for all of the Old People, and Carless Folks, to get to the one Grocery Store…

Of course, I still have the majority of the Café Equipment and Paraphernalia….
But I don’t see myself launching headlong into that, again…instead, a One Night Stand, Saturday Evening Affair…Reservations+Ad Hoc, Prix Fix, Chef’s Special, with a Side of Culture.
On the lot next door…with an Orchard and Herb Garden, Wandering Geese and Chickens.
And a rather large Nekkid Statue of Artemis.
Hire whatever local-yokel, but NonCountry(GAC!), Music Types I can find…
Pole Barn Palapa. A Parisian Café, meets Jovita’s.

I’d hafta remain strictly Back of the House;
One cannot Undo such a Withdrawal, in a day, or a year.

After 22 years, what is it like, to be without Pain?
Is that too much to Hope for?
I’d settle for less.
And for a trip to the Real Grocery Store being Less of an Epic Ordeal.
The first rough half of that Epoch, spent furiously Sucking what Marrow there was…knowing all too well the likely Trajectory of the Injuries…
The last, Lamenting the Losses, while stubbornly clinging to a semblance of Relevance,
of Agency.

One gets used to life as a Cripple, however unpleasant, or painful.
Chair to Chair,
Automatically calculating distance, grade and difficulty,
Including at least minimal recovery time in one’s travel plans…
To say nothing of Thoughtful, if not brilliant, Adaptation to Poverty.
I don’t know if I can manage a Garden, next year.
The promised Imperial Largesse(Ha!) can’t come too soon.
At the very least, Novelty.
Some small relief from the incessant Boredom.
I know every contour, and protuberance,
every nuance and stain on the drywall,
every lump in the mattress,
a connoisseur of the Pillow, and of the Art of Nest Building,
of Carcass Propping,
and of being very Still.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

the ditch, revisited.

With Willard’s continued Traveling Roadshow of “The Stupid Dance; Variations on a Theme”, I can’t help myself.(1)
I’ve been saying for a long time that I think they’re all crazy, and seem to inhabit an alternate universe…but, Damn!
When Willard was the choice that the Punditry picked, early on in the Primaries, I thought…”This is all they got?”
What does this mean? I wondered….
In a nutshell, the Conservative Revolution has run up against the Wall of it’s own absurdity.
As I’ve said, they got everything they wanted with Lil George…larded on to what Bill had handed them….a Fulfillment of the Reagan Revolution.
When their longed for Dream turned out to be made of Cow Shit, they scattered, and doubled down,…many pretended to have been “Libertarians”, all along…lol. The Smell was hard to shake.(image of dog that’s just been Skunked,lol)
Incoherent, Laughably Inept, Utopian, in the worst sense of the word.
Since at least 08, the Right’s Great Wurlitzer has been relying , more and more, on Misdirection, Nonissues, and Outright Lies, to keep their “Base” in Fear and Loathing.
The “Kenyan Usurper”(sic*) has played them masterfully…Presenting them with their own ideas and policy proposals, from years past, and watching them squirm, while pretending not to…contorting into ever more impossible shapes.
I’ve been studying these folks for a long time….as I said, I went and read a great lot of the “Source Material”….from Edmund Burke, to Buckley, to Goldwater, to Strauss, and on and on.
Starting around the same time I stumbled onto Latoc(’03?), I began Lurking on a few “Conservative” Fora(2) …Immersion, sort of, to see what they were talking about.
There was nothing nefarious about this…I tried hard NOT to be a Troll…I rarely said anything, at all.
I was Jane Goodall, sitting in my Blind, watching them when they were at their most comfortable.
I wanted to know what the draw was…and I approached it with as Open a Mind as I could muster.
What I found was mostly Hatred and Fear, and a whole lot of Ignorance about some very Basic Things.
The Economics side of things is the hardest to refute(a near-future post)…the rest would have been easy, if I had thought for a moment that anyone “over there” was even remotely interested in Apprehending the Truth.
As it stood, when I took off my mask, as it were, at the end of this Foray(maybe ’09?), and asked a few pointed questions…I was excoriated….and, then, Excommunicated.
No Thoughtful Critique is allowed!
(I was not disrespectful, I really wanted to know,lol)
I considered getting a couple more alter-e-mails, and starting over with the new Tea Party Mess…but, frankly, I couldn’t stomach any more. I’d learned enough. (although, I do still wander into that Cave, when something Big happens.)
So, when I say that I’m a Federalist, Libertarian, Social Democrat (lol!)…understand, that I didn’t just pick this out of a hat…it is the result of much Study, and much Thought….and a more than due Consideration for “The Other Side”.
It is due to this “Field Work”,and much "Book Work", that I can say…almost Categorically…that the Right is Bankrupt. What Good Ideas they entertained in the past, they have abandoned in favor of Unmitigated Nuttyness.
There are a few who have come to the same conclusion(3)…indeed, it is becoming more and more apparent to all but the most Muddled and Fearful, every day.
I expect the Repubs to lose, badly, this year….despite the Billons and the belligerence.(4)
And then I expect the GOP to fracture, perhaps into as many as 4 parties…
Dare I say that the long awaited Pendulum Swing has …finally…begun?
I sure hope so.
Of course, I have many….Issues…with the Dems, as well.
But it’s more fun….and much less Mind-Liquefying…to Lurk on Dem Fora .(5)
At the very least, Reason lives there….and Objective Facts(as best as we can determine)…and as close as we are likely to get, without a Major Overhaul of Education, to a Genuine Regard for Truth, and it’s Pursuit.

* I am a fan of Obama, and I think the Ridiculousness is Delicious!
(2)From the horse’s mouth on the day I linked this, they had a “poll”,” Is Obama's foreign policy to blame for the attacks and unrest in the Middle East and North Africa?
1. Yes, absolutely
2. Somewhat
3. Unsure “
LOL. “No” is not an approved answer, I guess.*/index

(3)”Fair and Balanced”™ is Inoperable and Fubar. Reboot.

(5)I used to get these, but I went all stealth-mode…
I’ve never received a Lefty-Analog:


Yesterday, as part of my First Grader’s “Star of the Week”-Thing, I moseyed down to his class, with Guitar in hand, and attempted to connect with his class.
Tough Crowd!
Blank stares,lol.
My kid was the only one who knew what “Blues” was.
Or Jazz.
Only three others knew what “Rock and Roll” meant.(!)
Everyone knew what “Country Music” was….which shouldn’t have surprised me, I guess.
From the beginning of our Parenthood, we have endeavored to Broaden and Deepen our boys’ Minds.
They are quite used to my long-winded explanations, filled with Nuance, and Complexity.
”Both Sides” of a given Historical Event are explored…North and south, Anglo/Indian, USA/Iraq,lol.
I’ve consistently employed the Socratic Method…encouraging them to Think.
I have also endeavored to Hijack the Music-Playing-Devices, at every opportunity.
This school year, I became systematic.
You Tube!
+100 Watts.
I wake them up with a wide variety of Music.
Today, it was Flamenco(Gypsy Kings, esp. “Trista Pena”)….and Fado (Mariza!)…
Yesterday, it was Louis Armstrong.
I usually have a Theme, of sorts…
Mahalia=> Ella=> Donna Reeves=> Billie Holliday.
Miles=> Coltrane=>Dizzy, etc
One morning, it was Wagner, Das Reingold…(Das Vorspiel!!!)
I reckon it’s safe to say, that we are the only one’s doing such things, around here.
If the school won’t do it, I will.
There’s more to the World, than Lil’ Wayne, and “New Country”(Barbed Wire Halo,lol.)
In the face of the Narrowness that surrounds us, here…I believe that a degree of Multiculturalism is important. If one actually knows a thing or two about Persian History and Culture, for instance, one is less likely to fall into the Hate Trap that is necessary for the usual War Mongering.
As I’ve said, we Hate what we Fear, and we Fear what we do not Understand.
It is Incumbent on me, as a Parent, to Mitigate such things.
Music is a nice beginning…
And a Cool Way to wake up.
”The world is a fine place; and worth fighting for.”-Hemmingway.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

...Tell us what ya Really think...

Mitt suffers from Hoof and Mouth,lol.
....and some have said that I'm Hyperbolic, in my characterisations of the Mind of the Parasitical Elite.
Faux is, of course, downplaying this..."should have little effect"...and comparing it to Obama's "Bitter People, clinging to their Guns and Bibles", comment.
Apples and oranges.
Obama went on to say that , in spite of their bitterness, he intended to be "Their President, too..."
Mitt's Muttering, on the other hand, is an attitude I heard often on the Golf Courses, when I worked for EZGO.
Welcome to Wogdom,
Mitt and his buddies think half of you are Bums.
Interesting campaign strategy.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Class Warfare

(Poverty, and it’s Uses.)

We’ve been corralled into a focus on the wrong things…into believing, to the exclusion of other beliefs, in one metric of human value.
Under this Criteria, I am a worthless waste of air…and so are my Wife and Kids.
So’s my Mother in Law, and my Late Great-Grandmother.
So are 90% of my Neighbors…here, in the Barrio.
(and, more than likely, so are You)
This Criteria has been foisted on us…by Force, sometimes…but also insidiously, by Lies and Misdirection.
And Fear.
Always Fear.
”Net Worth”.
”Job Creators”.
The “Poor” are always implied to be somebody else…(somebody other than the “Real Americans” that are being addressed…)
And then eviscerated, as the “Other”…the one’s who are at fault.
The ones who are Taking..
Never giving…
The ones who are Poor, due to their Laziness…their Lack of Work Ethic…On Purpose.
“Welfare” , as the Family Business.
Most “welfare recipients” are White Folks. (5)
This is never acknowledged…the Myth persists. (and if one includes so called, “Corporate Welfare”…most “welfare recipients’ are not even Human.)(15)
It amazes me, that with so many Nouveau Poor, these Assumptions are still thrown around, without challenge. The Right tapped into the Fear of Becoming Poor….as well as poorly concealed Racism…and, especially, the Shame that We are encouraged to feel, if We ….for whatever reason…Fail to meet the Criteria that determines Our Worth, as Human Beings/”Consumers”. Emphasis on “FAIL”.
The “Left”(lol) has been only marginally better…since what we call “Left” includes “Blue Dogs” and “Conservadems”…Remember, the “Liberal” Clinton “Ended Welfare as we know it”.
By an objective analysis, “Workfare”…”Welfare to Work”, has been an abject failure, at least since the Great Recession began….and , I assert that it was a failure from the get-go…relying on another, unexamined, part of the Mythology…that a “job is a job is a job”;that all jobs are equal.
I am enraged every time the Mythos of Welfare Queens is used…every time some pundit makes the assumption that being Poor is a Choice…that Folks set out to be Poor…and that it’s so fucking Easy to Do, that “Welfare” is preferable to Working.
That Poor Women Purposefully Get Pregnant, in order to rake in more Taxpayer Dollars…
That People on “Welfare” are…somehow…living the life of Riley….undeservedly.
This Mythos is completely, totally, made of Bullshit. There is not a shred of Evidence to prove it.
There is, on the other hand, plenty of Verifiable Evidence to Prove that it is False…but this is ignored.
In my Reluctant Journey into “Welfare”….I have found the various Federal and State and Local Programs to be Draconian, Byzantine, Convoluted and Stupid.
Most glaring…at least to me…is the Presumption of Bad Faith. It is assumed, from the Outset, that someone applying for any form of Government Help is attempting to Cheat….that they are more than likely Lying, in order to avoid having to work. The Burden of Proof is on the Applicant to Prove the Negative.
When my Doctor told me that I needed a Hip, and should apply for “Disability”,his assumption was that it would be Easy as Cake…and that soon, I would be able to access the medical care I needed. It will be Seven Years, this June(I think…my Timelessness has put me at a rather large disadvantage in this endeavor)…Seven Years of trying to get past the Funding Issue for my needed surgery.(now, it’s many surgeries.I Disintegrate)). At every Step along this still unfinished Journey, I have been made to feel Less of a Man, Less of an American and Less of a Human Being. This is written into the Rules and Regulations. It’s part and parcel of the Script, the Checklist, used by Government Functionaries.(If/Then Decision Scripts). It is Baked In to the Criteria used to determine Worthiness.
Luckily, the Boys were able to qualify for Medicaid, from the beginning…for Kids, even in Texas, the Bar is set much lower….but I expect this to become harder, the further we swing to the Right.
The one 3 month period, before my second son was born…and before I “Retired”…when my job put me just a little over the income cutoff, for Medicaid for my Boy…I attempted to procure Health Insurance…signed up with Unicare…paid them a bunch of money…and found, after a visit to the doctor for an ear infection, that nothing was covered…because allergies, and problems that flow from allergies, constitute “Preexisting Conditions”….ergo, None of the Common Childhood Ailments were to be covered…
Why, I reasoned, should I pay so much, for so little. I told Unicare to kiss my ass. It was cheaper to pay cash. “Free Market”, without the possibility of an “Informed Consumer”(go read your insurance policy, or your Medicaid/Medicare/Chip fine print.)
When the Crazy Bosslady Crashed her own business…back on Medicaid he went.
Even this remnant of “Welfare” has been anything but “Easy”. Texas assumes Fraud…so one has to “Reapply” every 3 months, or so…and you can’t predict what they will require, this time…the “Documentation Requirements” change, seemingly at the whim of whomever you happen to get on the phone, that day.
This Feature is widespread, it turns out; and has to do with those Decision Scripts.. Like with other Government Entanglements, if ya get an “unfavorable” answer, often, you can call back, and get a completely different one…but the whole thing leans hard towards Denial….
TANF…what used to be AFDC…is next to impossible…no matter your situation. These are Cash Payments…supposedly to lift the Super Poor up to some semblance if Civilised Living. Clinton’s Welfare “Reforms” ended whatever effectiveness this particular program had. I have reviewed the requirements, and decided against it…it’s just not worth the enormous Hassle. Foodstamps are bad enough….
With Foodstamps(Snap, it’s a debit card…and almost Fraudproof), the Assumption of Fraud…of Bad Faith…is omnipresent. We finally convinced the Bean Counters that we weren’t Lying…that, despite my Wife having a Full Time Job, and 2 Part Time Jobs…and Numerous One Off “Jobs”(like keeping “books” at basketball games, all of which is included in the one School Paycheck…so it counts as One Job)…that, despite all of this, we remain Poor. I look at the Federal Poverty Level, for a family of four, and think…Wow! We’d feel Rich if we could only pull down such Bank!
In Texas, one is told to , simply, call “211”…which is anything but Simple…it is, instead, a Black Pit of Labyrinthine Incompetence…
Barring that, on every such website, there is the Blithe encouragement to “ Pop In to your Local Welfare Office”…I understand that I live in the Wilderness, but still…my “Local Office” is, depending, between 50 and 100 miles away(this changes all the time). One cannot call such places and hope to talk to a Human, save with Superhuman Persistence.
Suffice it to say that I know what I’m talking about…If it were so damned Easy to game the system…to live large on the Dole…I would have been a shoe-in. I qualify for everything except “Adult Medicaid”….(due to Texas Republican’s Hatred of Poor People!). The Truth is, that even if one Obviously Qualifies for all of these Programs, the Bar is too high.
The Self Censorship that Po’ Folks perform on themselves is a remarkable achievement. The Guilt at not being able, for whatever reason, to Thrive in a screwed up Economy is large…it is the reason that Poor People don’t get together. With the continuance of this Prohibition of the Voice of the Poor, nothing will change…which is just fine with those who benefit from the inconsistencies and gross inequalities inherent in our system. The Poor stay in the Closet, ashamed of their “Failure”; while the “masters of the universe” rob them blind.
I put my sordid tale Out There…but I have no idea how others fare…with very few exceptions.
Over the years, I’ve written and called a few hundred elected officials, top to bottom.
One is supposed to communicate with one’s Employees, after all.
I would like to think that others, who are in similar situations, make their Voices heard, as well.
I have no information, on this, either way…but I would bet that few do…..either from Shame, Denial, or Ignorance.
The other day, I listened to NPR, on the radio, on the way to Fredericksburg; Glen Beck, on the way back.
There is an amazing contrast, here…NPR, regarded as “liberal” by many, is Fact Based, low on Hyperbole, but mainly concerned with other issues, besides Poverty.
Beck(!) is almost completely Fact Free…and he does deal with Poverty, especially, now that it has (sort of) become a campaign issue….but Beck doesn’t have a Clue. The same old tired clichés….Lazy Poor, Poor as Terrorist Moochers…as, it is inferred, mostly Black or Brown…”Get a Job”…
Us in the “Reality Based Community” are at a disadvantage…because, in the service of Honesty…of Reality…we must Refute Every Damned Sentence. Beck hammers away at the Innuendo and at the insistence that it is Shameful to be Poor….and, of course, it’s yer own Fault.
I’m sick of all of this.
It’s Not Real.
For one thing…none of what I’m talking about is “Welfare”, at all….it’s Insurance…run by Government.
Food Stamps…the various Healthcare Programs…Unemployment Insurance…even AFDC?TANF….We, the People, Paid for that. All of Us.(Except for whatever incomes are above some arbitrary “Cap”(I think it’s still $100K)…effectively exempting the Super Rich from paying for much of any of this)
The Only “Bad Faith” that I have encountered is on the other side of the issue…the System, itself, and those who have purposefully made it dysfunctional and cruel….then go on TV and, on the one hand, pat themselves on the head for their Compassion;, on the other, belittle and besmirch and Slander the very Folks they want us to believe they are Compassionate about.
I cannot count the number of Congressional Aides, Bureaucrats, and Functionaries I have encountered, who are so obviously adherents of the Tea Party…Working For the very Government that they Hate with such Passion. I can hear the frothing, right through the phone.
I have been told, right into my ear, as it were, that I am little more than a Parasite….and that I should suck it up…that if I am really, truly, in such need, that the System will Catch Me. Fear Not.
Like Drowning Witches.
What does Winning look like?
You’re only Genuine if yer Dead?
What about Human Dignity?
What about having a care for one’s Fellow Man?
What of the Least of These?
Is Denial of Poverty, especially if you are actually Poor, such a palliative?
Does believing in the Narrative have so much of a positive effect on the Self-Esteem, that it alleviates one bit of Suffering?
I have always been poor…But I didn’t feel poor, until I lost the wherewithal to Work.
It was only then, that I found that the Narrative was Wrong. Worse, that it was a Deliberate Lie to Divide Us.
A few of my (I guess) well meaning Conservative acquaintances insist that it’s no great feat to get “On Welfare”…and answer my objections…based on the Facts of my own Experiences…with assertions that I must simply try again…or that,”Well, if you lived HERE, you would have no problem, at all”…’here’, meaning “where I live…among hordes of freeloading porch monkeys”…(but we ain’t racist!)
Poor Folks will have to emerge from this Closet, at some point, if We are to reasonably hope for a Better World. We’ll have to rise, and challenge the Lies…the Sacred Myths of the Republicans.
We must stand up for ourselves, in any way We can…because the onslaught will not cease, unless We do.
In addition to the widespread, systemic Presumption of Guilt…the Poor are Condescended to. From Headstart, to SNAP, to the myriad Healthcare Schemes.
Is there anyone in America who is unaware that Veggies and Fruit are Good For You? That you should endeavor to feed your kids healthy things, and limit Junk Food?
The Presumption of Stupidity, if not Nazi-Morality, is most evident at Headstart…(which is, overall, a good program) Do the majority of Poor People really need to be told that Beating their kids is a Bad Thing? That Raping them is wrong?
Who comes up with this stuff?! Who decided that most Poor People are violent sexual predators? And that stern admonitions against such things should be read aloud, from a worksheet, weekly?
On the one hand, “people” who see no problem with incest or injury towards their own children, are unlikely to change their behaviour at the suggestion of some bored government worker….on the other, I found it offensive …the Presumption that This is what Poor People Do. (!!!) (Don’t give your toddler Heroin…seriously)
Surely a better way to combat such abuse could be found, rather than Assuming that anyone attempting to get help is inhuman.
“Economics, education, health outcomes, fashion, capitalism and music are inherently designed to favor people who have more money/wealth over those who do not have money or wealth.”(16)

Pointing out this quite Obvious feature of Civilisation is considered an unwarranted instigation of “Class Warfare”. Part of the Mindfuck I’m always ranting about is the insistence that in the USA, we enjoy a “Classless Society”. We are expected to Ignore any evidence to the contrary…which is Legion.
Whenever some Poor Person, or an advocate of Poor Folks, attempts to point out Systemic Maladjustments, Gross Inequalities of Opportunity, or the Overall Unfairness built in to our economic system, out come the Defenders of the Faith…”You’re engaging in Class Warfare!”…
Lost in the fray is the Fact…quoted, above…that the System is geared to benefit those that built it.
Myth Maintenance, accomplished by;1. Encouraging Shame, and Silence in the Poor(Closeting/Self-Censorship) 2. Denial that there is a Problem, at all…3.Othering, almost entirely Mythologically(most of the Poor are White).
And,4. “Blaming the Victim”.(17)
This last is reliant on a peculiar phenomenon known as the “Just World Hypothesis”(18)…which Assumes that one has Earned whatever misfortune that one is suffering under….that the Poor, in this instance, are Lazy, and without Morality and a Work Ethic…and, therefore, Deserve their Poverty.
I suspect that there’s a little Schadenfreude at work here, too.
I find it interesting that, according to the research…on the one hand, African Americans are the least likely Demographic to subscribe to a Just World Hypothesis…and, on the other, that those who lean Right(Authoritarian/Hierarchical Personality) are more likely.
It’s also quite interesting that these Right Leaning Folks are more likely to be subject to another Cognitive Bias; the “Semmelveis Reflex”…or, the “Backfire Effect”(19 & 20)…wherein new evidence that contradicts a deeply held Belief, has the actual effect, reflexively, of Strengthening that Belief. (!!!)
In other words, if you Believe that the Poor are Lazy, and, therefore, Deserve their Poverty…then evidence to the contrary…rather than pushing you to Amend such Beliefs…instead, leads to a Strengthening of the now Disproven Beliefs.
It’s Lose/Lose, for Liberals, and others in the “Reality Based Community”.
Facts no longer matter.
Hence, Ontological Crisis.

(I can only speak to my own experiences, of course.
We have only the Appearance of a “Safety Net”.
At least in Texas…perhaps it’s different, somewhere else.
Perhaps in the more Civilised regions, there is a Functioning and Compassionate Government Insurance System…. I don’t know.
It is likely, as with so many things, something of a Continuum…further confusing the issue.
Here, the “thinkers” on the Right refer to it as the “Texas Model”….and want to export it…Universalise it…to the rest of the country. This indicates that it Is at least a little better elsewhere.)

“It’s not Class Warfare…it’s Patriotism!”-Corey Ellis

“It’s not Risky to be Wealthy…it’s Risky to be Poor!”-Melissa Harris Perry


“Non-Hispanic whites accounted for 64 percent of the population in 2010 and received 69 percent of the entitlement benefits. In contrast, Hispanics made up 16 percent of the population but received 12 percent of the benefits, less than their proportionate share — likely because they are a younger population and also because immigrants, including many legal immigrants, are ineligible for various benefits. Non-Hispanic African Americans account for 12 percent of the population and received 14 percent of the benefits.[6]”

it’s all imaginary, anyway:

so why not try an
(14)for the Adventurous:
Too bad we are, generally, so unaware of
And….We seem to have plenty of money…in the other account: 15


Sometimes, the Links work...sometimes, they do not.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

El Crudo

foreign policy

The Rest of the World has been on a back burner, for me, for 4 years.
This, with 1 ongoing war(police action? Conflict?AUMF?)....and another only recently over….and the (we are told) Fires of Revolution, lighting the sky over North Africa and the Middle East.
I’m aware of things, but my Scrutiny has been directed elsewhere.
My Scorn, too.
With the Move, and the Adjustments that followed, as well as my continued Adventures with Beaurocracy(1)
…Tangled in the Safety Net….
I’ve been distracted.
But Mitt, apparently, Stepped in it…(I have not begun to Dig,only Alternet)…the Libya-thing…
And North Africa and the Rest of The World aren’t Going Away…
…and now Mitt thinks Neoconservatives have Good Ideas.(2)
I’ve said all I have to say about Health Care…until there’s a new development.
Mount Up.
After 911, I wandered a bit, and hit on Peak Oil. I had colored pins in the map, and it only made sense if PO was included in the Model.
It was in this way, that I stumbled into LATOC. Noncrazy, for the most part, and even the trolls were fun.
It was in the last half of the Bush Darkness, so Foreign Policy was an important topic. Most expected more Attacks, and more Warmaking…and We tied all this together with Domestic Policy, and Economics.
Hard to separate, really, once one has that cast of mind….but what was the driving force of these, apparently, extreme and nonsensical actions?
My Research Frenzy into the Mind of the Right began with Neoconservatives. Scoop Jackson,Wolfie, Perle,both Kristols,Podheretz(sp?), and Bloom.
….and the Odious and Unnecessarily Dense, Leo Strauss.
Many of those guys were former Trotsky-ites, believe it or don’t…
But Strauss was a piece of work.
He held that Plato, et al. wrote in a sort of code…so that in everything they wrote, there were two messages; one for the Masses(the Exoteric)…and one(the Truth) for the Little Cabinet of Philosopher Kings.(Esoteric)…He was concerned with “How” to read certain Philosophers.
From this Esoteric reading is derived Aggressive Empire Building and Complete distrust in the ability of the Masses to have a say in matters of State. Anti-Enlightenment, anti-small l liberal democracy.
It should come as no surprise that Strauss was a big fan of Machiavelli. Domestic “Policy” to these folks is whatever keeps the Masses either Fat and Sated, or Busy and Harassed…and Patriotic, of course.
This little maneuver gives Strauss and his Coterie a lot of Leeway in Justifying their Positions, or Actions.
If one refutes, however mildly, then one must not be in the Club…and therefore simply cannot understand such lofty matters.
I read Strauss’ “Natural Right and History” twice, and his “On Tyranny” only once. It’s somewhat exhausting to read this guy, since he attempts to disguise what he’s really saying, within what he’s actually saying.
Or something.( I read Drury later.)
The point is that the FP that comes from this muddle(Strauss and his Followers, and the Broader “Neoconservative Movement”(PNAC))….
A New Rome.
Astride the World, with it’s Benevolent Violence.
Starry Eyed Zealots, all…with an annoying habit of looking down their noses at anyone who disagrees.(Eso/Exo). The Hoi Polloi should go about their business(Go Shopping), and leave the Maintenance and Growth of the Empire to the Philosophers.
These are the folks who brought us, in response to 911, Prosecution by Military Force….two of the Wars they had been pining so ardently for.(they had a whole list). Pseudo Monarchists, they brought us the “Decider”, the Executive, Unbound! They had a Plan!
They read Thucydides, and really got worked up over Athens’ assault on Syracuse. What Heroism~! . But they seem to have stopped reading(vapors), at that point. The whole Collapse of Empire-Thing, that came after, was overlooked.
Hubris, without consideration of Nemesis.(see: Chalmers Johnson)
This is the same Bunch, who allied themselves with the Christ Militant Wing of the Religious Right…the Hagee’s, the Boykins, the ones who figure a Nuclear War with Iran(Gog) would be a Good Thing, because then Jesus would come.
The same lot, who worked so hard to replace the Specter of Fifth Column Communists, hiding under suburban beds, with bomb-throwing Muslims, bent on imposing Sharia Law in Amerca.
These “Philosophers”, nearly all of whom received multiple “Deferments” when they had the chance to go to War…these folks sit in the Tea Room of the Manor House, and pontificate that what the American People really need, is the chance to be Heroic…which is only available if we’re engaged in a Global and Endless War….an Existential Struggle,” That will not end in our lifetimes”… a Brilliant Crusade against the Dark Forces of Chaos.(4)
These are men Terrified of the World…Belligerent in their Pronouncements, to mask their flabby Spinelessness.(“my dad can kick your dad’s ass”)
From the Neocons’ own assertions, we find the idea that We can , basically, take over the Third World, and be greeted with Flower Throwing, Grateful Wogs…who will love us for our efforts to Liberate their Resources.(3) The excuse, of course, was the GWOT. 911 was a fish, leaping into their boat.
Bomb the Hell out of sandy countries, in order to kill a few bad guys. That was the Exoteric Reasoning.
(The Big Lie.)
Taking a sledgehammer to flies.(try it in your own house)
It’s a marvel that the world survived.(5)

Mitt wants more.
This is likely why the Romney Campaign has avoided much mention of FP.
Ignis est perfectior orbis terrarum.(sigh)(6)
Vote Obama.
(1).. ( I propose a New Word, to replace this one…perhaps,”Hive”, or something…)
(3)…Which is a sort of confirmation of PO, btw.It at least points that way. Colored Pins, on the map of the world.
(5) It is disingenuous to pretend that Obama has withdrawn the Legions.
(6) I wish my Latin was better,lol.
The Preferred World, is a World on Fire.
Dangerous Lunatics.
Go back to your rocks.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Weather and Pain(again) Calling All Grad Students

I noticed a connection between Weather Phenomena(Cold Fronts) and Bone/Joint Pain, soon after my wreck…more than 20 years ago.
I was still bedridden…perhaps a month after the wreck, and all of a sudden had a noticeable Increase in the Pain. Approximately 12 hours later, a big Cold Front, with associated storms, blew through.
I remembered my Grandma’s “Weather Toe”, and other anecdotal examples of this phenomena, and forgot about it…until the next Front came. For many years, I thought of this only as it was happening…and attributed it to Pressure Changes…(turns out, that, and Humidity, have been where most of the relevant research into the matter have been focused…with little success).
When I moved out here, the wide open, Big Sky…as opposed to dense Pine Forest…as well as my first real access to the Internet, sparked an intense study of Meteorology. I had Radar and Satellite, at my fingertips…and could go out in the yard, and directly observe what was on my screen.
I became somewhat adept at weather forecasting…I could look at a cloud formation on the horizon, and know how far away it was(confirmed by radar) and what sort of Weather it entailed.
Since we lived in a trailer house, predicting Tornado Weather, lent added importance to all of this.
One of my observations is that our “mountain” seemed to deflect approaching storm fronts….if the squall line was roughly perpendicular(n=>s) to the general Lay of Mason Mountain(e=>w), the squall line would break in two…sparing us the heaviest weather. Tornadoes, and potential tornadoes(wall clouds, etc) would go around us. I watched this happen, in real time from the yard…and with minor delays, onscreen(radar).
That little bit of elevation(300-500 feet above the surrounding plateau) seemed to be enough to Break the Wave of the Squall Line….perhaps due, in part, to the ever so slightly increased pressure above the ‘mountain’…
I acquired a $50 walmart weather station…with a Barometer…and my Dad gave me a “Weather Glass”…coupled with the “surface analysis” maps, at, it was the best I could do, as far as measuring local Barometric Pressure…the accuracy of the digital barometer is unknown.
What I noticed, over the years, was the perception that I could Feel Fronts and Hurricanes, at great distances…
I tried to correct for bias…I purposefully avoided the weather page, until I Felt “something” approaching.
2005 was the best year , yet, for the idea of Action at a Distance…Katrina, Rita and Wilma(with the lowest Pressure ever recorded) were Felt, acutely, by me…There I was, going about my business, blissfully(if purposefully) unaware of the approach of hurricanes…until I suddenly Hurt Like Hell. To the computer, I went…and there they were. I felt Katrina, then Rita, as they crossed Florida, into the Gulf…a distance of 2000+ miles. My Glass and Digital Barometers showed no change in local Pressure. NWS, similarly, showed nothing(like isobars) that could account for this…what the hell was the Mechanism?!
When Wilma, a little while later, was close to the western end of Cuba…and was at it’s Lowest Pressure…I felt it…big time. It was all I could do to wait for the relevant pages to load, to see if the sudden, intense Pain, had any potential cause.
Again…no obvious Mechanism, between the storm, and my Skeleton.
I am, at best, an Amateur Scientist. I never acquired the Higher Math(Calculus) to be the Real Thing… So forgive me, please, if what I’m about to propose sounds silly, or even outside Conventional Science…and remember that Science is all about pushing Boundaries, and getting well outside the box…
There is some other Mechanism at work, here. It ain’t just air pressure. I regularly happen to glance at the Digibarometer, and Catch it moving, up or down, with no corresponding Skeletal Effect.
Could it be Perturbations in the Gravity Field of the Earth? I understand that Gravitational Waves are usually though of on Very Large Scales…still…I think it bears looking into. Too, although I don’t understand the Math, my Gut tells me(rather , my Bones,lol) that Tesla, Longitudinal Waves and something called “Scalar Fields”, may be at work. I know, I know…HAARP, and Conspiracy Theory! I’ve thought of that,…
It is my Instinct that compels me to put this out there…something is happening , here…I’ve attempted to be as rigorously Objective as possible…and I don’t think it’s “all in my head”. I suspect that what is lacking is instrumentation…something between my skel;eton, and the barometers, and LIGO. Surely there is a way to measure whatever this is…I think that in order to come up with Instrumentation, some thinking needs to be done, regarding a conceptual framework…what could the Mechanism for this Phenomena be?

I have neither the resources, or the skill set to pursue this any further…it is my hope that some Grad Student, with a penchant for the Fanciful, and a likely interest in Weather, and Theoretical Physics, will at least consider this.
Could be a stepping stone towards a Unified Theory, even.(if it turns out to be something so Grand, name a particle, or something, after me. lol).
“Consider a toroidal mass with two degrees of rotation (both major axis and minor-axis spin, both turning inside out and revolving). This represents a "special case" in which gravitomagnetic effects generate a chiral corkscrew-like gravitational field around the object. The reaction forces to dragging at the inner and outer equators would normally be expected to be equal and opposite in magnitude and direction respectively in the simpler case involving only minor-axis spin. When both rotations are applied simultaneously, these two sets of reaction forces can be said to occur at different depths in a radial Coriolis field that extends across the rotating torus, making it more difficult to establish that cancellation is complete.[citation neede”
(could be a description of a Mesocyclone)(….and, remember Phi…and the similar structures of galaxies, storms and convection currents in hot grease, with cornmeal floating(I worked in a Catfish Place,lol)
2-dimensional representation of a 3(or 4-) dimensional thingy(a scientific term).
looks like a thunderstorm, to me.
I understand the difference between ‘gravity wave’ and ‘gravitational wave’…this is for analogy…the Capillary Wave-Idea, applied to the latterr…perhaps there’s a Blind Spot in our measurement, and/or Conception.
the frontal boundary dipping into Texas, was 100 miles north of I-20, (about 300 miles North of me) at 2am, when I was roused by the usual crushing, general Pain…and the stabbing in my joints…that seems to distinguish Weather Pain, from other sorts…like work-induced(say, digging a ditch), or the ‘normal’ background pain. My Digital Barometer has a record of the last 24 hours of pressure….and shows no change, at all. Similarly, the above map shows nothing to account for what I feel.
Note the Differential, between the High(1030)in Nebraska, and the Low(1008) due South of Big Bend…draw a line between them, and I am a little to the right…about where the red number:1012 is. The greater the differential, the greater the pain…and it seems to be more acute if I’m sort of between the extremes.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Church of Freethought sapere aude!

(Autopoiesis,in our relation to the Ground of Being)
(...Build, therefore, your own world.-RW Emerson)

I’ve never been amenable to “Joining”, overall.
This is especially true, regarding Religion.
Dogma has made me uncomfortable…if not Nervous…for as long as I can remember(at least back to Kindergarten at the Lutheran School).
Accepting things…without reflection…on “Faith”…or at the insistence of Authority(Man, or God’s)…has been inimical to me from the earliest appearance of my Mind.
Neither of my Folks were “Joiners”…and my Mom possesses a Rebellious Streak(which receded, for a time, during her post-divorce re-ordering).
I remember, at the “Fall Festival”(Halloween), at the Lutheran church, being incensed at the Narrowmindedness, regarding the film,(Disney’s “Fantasia”) and at the reaction to my brother’s home-made Devil costume.(I was in 2nd grade)
Nevertheless, my folks tried to get us ”involved” with at least the social aspects of the church; “lock-ins”,”youth-groups”, and the like.
Although I was unaware of the whole controversy at the time(being a young child), this was the occasion of something of a revolution/civil war in the Lutheran Church(see: “Seminex Controversy”)…the Conservatives won…at least in the 2 Tomball churches.(“Pastor Ashe”, whom I liked, was run off…replaced by a conservative, and ultimately mendacious, Toad…who ended up running off with church funds…and having affairs with parishioner’s wives…thus was my first introduction to the differences between liberal and conservative…and of my first experience of Hypocrisy).
My experience at the 2 churches went downhill, from there…both leaned far to the Right….and I chaffed under the restrictions and pious pronouncements…most of which were revealed as Hypocritical.
The Feeling was one of Inquisition, and Hypocrisy, although I couldn’t have put words to it, at the time.
While my brother and I were moved into Public School, for my 3rd grade year, we continued for some years to attend one or the other church…leaning more towards Salem….untill I was around 12-13.
The Divorce put an end to all of this pretending, finally.
For the rest of my youth, I only attended church…of any variety…to please my paternal Grandad(Catholic)…or for Funerals and Weddings, and such…and, once I was gone from school, to try to get closer to sundry Girls.(lol. I reasoned that if the Preachers, themselves, were such Hypocrites, why shouldn’t I use the gatherings in such a way…as I never, not once, pretended to be a “True Believer”.)
From the time I was 13, or so, I was interested(in an academic sense) in Religion…the 4th volume of Campbell’s “Masks of God” was on the table, at home, and I read , and reread, it many times, over the years. This opened me up to a whole world of comparative Mythology(I was into Bullfinch, Greek and Roman, before this…but didn’t think of that as “religion”, till later.)
Philosophy and Comparative Mythology, have been my “Academic” Focus, from my early Teens…but I never had the feeling that any of it was Real…I was Agnostic.(still am)
At best, these Stories were in reference to some amorphous Thing behind things, that could not be nailed down, as it were.
The Absolutism of these Institutions turned me off.
….especially the newer “Nondenominational” variety….all the falling down, and unquestioning Belief in whatever the various Preachers were on about….Ugh!
There was, already, no room for me, in this milieu.
Post High School(and Post “P”), I was Friendless, mostly…in the Deeper Sense. I had Acquaintances.
I attempted Organised Religion a few times…under the hypothesis that one could meet folks either in the Beerjoint(Drunks), or in the Church(another sort of Inebriation(!)). This is all a part of the Alienation I’ve been on about…no Place for Me….Homeless.
My Home was in Books….and outside of that, there was no place to Belong.
I’ve Pined, for most of my life, for an analog to the Salon…or even the Beat “Cold Water Flat”…the Greenwich Village.,,Soho…etc.
University was a large disappointment , in this regard…(probably due , at least in part, to my choice of school).
So I am not, and have never been, a “Joiner”.
Strict adherence to a Fundamentalist Doctrine, religious or secular, rubs me wrong.
So I’ve always been a somewhat Singular Entity….and, remember, these Formative years were the late 70’s and the 80’s!...the Era of Fundamentalist Resurgence, in Religion and Politics and Academia.
Everywhere I went, I either created…or had a hand in the Creation… of my own Scene…always by accident.
….until I came here.
Way out here, there is a small population…and, therefore, a Lack of “Raw Ingredients” for a Scene…
With the advent of the Web, I have searched for local(more or less) instances of Weirdoes and Freaks…
With little luck. The German Freethinkers, and the Adelsverein, who Settled this area, and who’s family names are evident everywhere, out here…have given way to the more AngloSaxon Fundamentalism…(see: Michael Lind)
The Liberal Tradition in the Texas Hill Country seems irrevocably Lost.
As I’ve said….even the Democrats are Republican.(!!)
What a surprise to happen on, first, the Houston Church of Freethought(1)…then, something called Unitarian Universalism(2)… congregations of which there are 2 in Kerrville.(60 miles, one way)
I had heard of UU, before…but never looked into it…having long ago grown weary of the minor distinctions between the myriad flavours of Xianity.
Since these 2 were happened upon as a result of a search for “Freethought”…I took a closer look.
Save for the distance(body and money for gas!), they present themselves as a potential “Fit”…but I’m Leery, given my experience.
Wife says,”I don’t know if even they are ready for you”….
I seem to have little choice, other than to check ‘em out…
otherwise, I am left with continuing Isolation.
What an unexpected(!!) thing for Wife to hear, from my lips…”Honey, I wanna go to church”!
If their self portrayal is accurate, they are not a “Church” in the usual sense…it remains to be seen.
My expectation is of disappointment….so I can be less disappointed. lol.
We’ll see.
Film at 11.

1 (

“When one does not deliberately attempt to keep men in barbarism, they will gradually work out of that condition by themselves.”-Kant

Sunday, September 2, 2012


I have a very rich Internal Life…
I Think, all the time.
…and there’s a Soundtrack…which I have just a little bit of control over.
The Big Problem is that Sober Me(Apollo) feels keenly the lack of anyone to share it with.
The Other Me(Dionysius), on the other hand, has a great talent in chasing everyone away.
Alienated becomes Alienator.
It’s a conundrum.
This Bifurcation has become Acute, these last ten years…and Psychology is at it’s Root.
Shame at Dionysius’ most recent Psychotic Outburst has led Apollo to abandon “social media”…
So I ruminate and stew.
Full Moon means that I avoid Wife, for the sake of my own shredded sanity…usually a week’s worth.
Understanding the causes, doesn’t alleviate the resulting deeper alienation, however temporary.
I find, in moments of introspection, that I habitually Repress the less superficial Memories of my Past…
Indeed, it is only in the last few years that I have been able to Remember a great lot of it, at all.
While I deem this necessary, it is Painful.
Tragic, even.
Apollo habitually Hides his Light…Dionysius, on the contrary, doesn’t care…and Blazes Forth, Psychotically.
The long term sense of Rejection…Alienation…is at the root of the first.
Rebellion, Reaction…if not Vengeance… is the likely cause of the last.
Essential Homelessness, leads to setting fire to one’s House.
Dionysius(Jung’s Shadow) glories in Rejecting the World…burn it.
Burn it all!
Apollo laments that so few have been curious enough to try to understand.
Until I landed, way out here, I was the People’s Shrink…which was an extension of my function as Brother…a Shoulder.
I, however accidentally, seemed to always run a sort of Home for Wayward Souls, as well.
Go To Guy for rides to the abortion clinic, or collecting waifs from the side of the road, as it were…
Half Baked Chivalry came naturally.
My original Rejection by “polite society’ was an outgrowth of all of this…
and where was a Shoulder for Me?
In hindsight, my relationships have been with the Damaged….rejected souls, themselves…at least Subjectively.(that is not an indictment)
I played the stand- in for Absent Fathers…I played the Wise Counselor…the Spirit Guide…even the Guru…
But when circumstances, or the weight of all of this, became overwhelming…there was no one to play those roles for me.
If not Rejection, outright, it was Incredulity…Misunderstanding…or what appeared to be Denial, in the face of my own Overwhelming Need.
Those whom I had helped, were incapable of helping me.
Apollo learned a long time ago that few people Understand…worse, most people don’t Want to Understand.
Apollo developed a Filter…which usually translated into Saying Nothing, at all…Hermit-hood.
Often, when interacting with various folks, I noticed a strange phenomenon…I tend towards the Deep End, of course…but sometimes, whomever I was talking with would violently react to something I said…usually the most boring, non-controversial (to me, at least) part of whatever I was saying.
I have never been allowed to explore this, because, by that time, any rapport was suddenly Gone. My Interlocutor was Irrationally Angry at me…and in review, I could never figure out Why!
Remember, this is Apollo…Sober!
I was always Bewildered by this, no matter how many times it happened.
Of course, it happened more often to Dionysius(Drunk)…but Dionysius had learned to not give a damn. Sans Filter.
Even then, these irrational outbursts were always(as near as I can tell) in reaction to the most Mundane expressions, on my part….and in trying to back up, and find the offending thought, I further alienated whomever it was.
This happened more to Dionysius, than to Apollo…likely due to Apollo’s learned Agoraphobia….his self imposed Exile….due, in large part, to this exact Phenomena.
After a near Lifetime of this…as my Body further deteriorates…and as my Isolation grows Deeper…my Mind increasingly works overtime…with Nowhere to Go.
When Dionysius comes, it is in a Lashing Out…an unconscious, Purposeful, Flamethrowing!
I purposefully Alienate anyone who has gotten close to Apollo…Drunken Dionysius Purposefully says Insane, Insensitive, Assholeish Things, in order to Drive Everyone Away.
Dionysius Hates the World.
Because the World appears to Hate, not only Dionysius, but Apollo, as well.
Get Help, they said.
And I tried to.
But what is within reach?
A Cult of Alcoholism…rather, a specific, “Normal”, Kind of Alcoholism.
I am anything But “Normal” this, as in everything else.
”Higher Power” as a Euphemism for “Jesus”…dishonestly discounting this essential feature of the Process, in order to fool more Converts. AA is an Evangelical Pseudoreligion, which Fetishizes one’s Powerlessness.
AA apparently Works for many…but it doesn’t work for me. I’ve tried…really.
There’s no room for the idea that Binge Alcoholism can be a Symptom…which is the Model that more closely Fits my Experience.
This is Texas…Ground Zero of the particularly American Prejudice against such “Weakness”…and, often, it is implied, such “lack of Faith”.
Been there.
MHMR, Texas’ pitiful excuse for Public Mental Health, is woefully underfunded…and harder to access than even the Regular “Public Health System”.
When I have been able to sneak in, it has always been under the auspices of “Substance Abuse”(which, as I’ve said, doesn’t fit my understanding of my Problem). It has always been “Group Therapy”…which means I got to sit there, among the very people I try to avoid, and with whom I have Nothing in Common.(and who were often there at the admonishment of a Judge!)
Too, the several times I have managed to gain access to this fiefdom of Public Mental Health, it has…every time!...devolved into Evangelical Christianity.
The Therapist, paid by the State, eventually ends up saying some version of, “To get better, you have to let Jesus into your Heart.”.
It is Maddening!
I found a Therapist, several years ago…$60 a pop!...who was somewhat helpful…I guess. She’s the reason I have a Blog…
But I quickly realized…and she confirmed this…that I’d hafta do a lot of “Shopping” to find a Shrink that could handle me. Sadly, I have never had either the Money for this endeavor…or the Body for the hundreds of miles to get to the Shrinks…(it’s Texas…Psychology is for pussies…and, obviously, any Psychological Issues are best left to the abundant Churches!)
So I am left to my own devices.
Physician, Heal Thyself!
Another layer of Depth and Breadth…Isolation…Talking to Myself…
Shouting down a well.
It’s the sense of Betrayal…both Personal, and Societal…that’s the hardest to come to terms with.
It is regarded as, somehow, Invalid…False…Not Real…or, not Deserved. It is Betrayal, without Blame.
Similarly, the Isolation…Alienation…Loneliness. Not Deserved.
Due to my Cripplehood, Wife works all the damned time…and when she’s home, is…by turns…Exhausted, or involved with the Kids’ incessant Needs.(again, Not an Indictment!)
By the afternoon, I am invariably bedridden…and play the role of Crazy Uncle in the Attic.
I’m Furniture.
She doesn’t have Room, Emotionally, or Intellectually, for Me….
And I Understand!!...which makes it Worse!
As needed, I hold her hand, walk her through her emotional and psychological issues…as always, the People’s Shrink…the Brother….the Shoulder.
It is only after some Great Outburst, that I receive a reciprocal Ear.
No answers…no advice…but at least an Ear.

I dislike….rather , am Disappointed in…most of the folks out here, on the perimeter.
Petty. Shallow….Gossipy…
Utterly Boring.
If not, then Married to one who is…or simply too busy.
The Banality of Small Talk…the rhetorical fragments…(“how are you?”)…answers to which are unwanted.
Or, if it’s one of the Rumor Mill’s Flywheels, it’s a pumping for Information…to fuel merciless speculation, and slander. (I have learned who those are, and go the other way)
I often opine, that Everything is Political.
This is only a part of it, though. The Political is a Reflection of our inner worlds…and is mostly quite unconscious.
Everything is Political…and Politics entails Psychology.
Hence, Projection…and all of the other Psychological Terminology that sometimes seem to fit so well, in describing Political Phenomena.
One Fears Death, and it’s inevitable approach…and in Reaction, denies that there are “problems” with our Healthcare Delivery.
Or there’s some underlying Fear of Inadequacy… whether in the bedroom, at work, in society…so one lashes out at some-thing, out there, as a symbolic representative of that Fear.
All of this unconsciously…so as to avoid the Painfully Hard Work of self-inspection.
It’s a vicious cycle of Reaction and Reactions to Reactions…round and round…confusing the substance.
This little Tangent is Germane, I swear!
…for it encapsulates the vicious cycle of my own tormented existence.
Isolation feeds on itself.
Alienation is, in the end, Reciprocal.
The Stage where my long term Alienation occurred…contributes to that self-same Alienation.
I am a Python in the Everglades….a Nutria in the Llano….a Zebra Mussel in the Erie Canal.
An Exotic(“from Out There”) Species, accidentally introduced to this Pond I find myself in.
There’s nothing to Do, but Endure….and Withdraw.
…and try to refrain from Biting, as I’ve been bitten, some hand that happens to reach towards me.
The Purpose of this space, this little Blog, as I’ve said, is as a Wall to throw what I think about against.
Glorified Talking to Myself…
I amazed that there are so many readers! from all over the Planet!
I never expected that, really…and I have harboured no illusions…
Here’s PostModernism, again!
It is more than Unlikely, that I’ll stumble on an analog to myself…a member of my Subspecies.
It is a mere bromide…an herbal tea…for my Loneliness, to kindle some small hope, that while I’m hollering at the wind, talking to trees, and tossing potsherds of my Psyche down the dark well….that someone will overhear, and Understand.